Just anecdote ( jokes , humor , funny sayings )

* * * Blonde draws out a bank loan.Manager:

- you write the amount in words.
- And this is how?
- Letters.
- Are you out of your mind?As I write letters, numbers ?!

* * *

Realizing that "live" is not the national stage still no one sings, the audience began to bring tape recorders to concerts with stored applause.

* * *

- Is it true that the army is doing stupid indifference, non-self and aggressive?
- I do not know, and do not want to know.Go Ensign or ask you to give the neck.

* * *

little boy came to the séance and asked him to establish contact with her beloved grandfather.He called the spirit of his grandfather.

- Hello, grandson!
- Hey, Grandpa!And where are you talking to me?
- Yes, from the dead, grandson, from another world!
- Well, you give!And what are you doing there - because you're still not dead ?!

* * *

- Interestingly it turns out: I'll invite you to drink to my health, and you hleschesh fifth glass!
- I'm sorry, but you look so bad!

* * *

After drinking man turns to the policeman

- Do not tell me how to get to the station?
- Go straight.
- right?Well, then, I do not walk.

* * *

husband wife:

- Did you wash my shirt?
- Why do not wash them yourself?
- Because laundry is a woman's business.
- Yes?So, listen, I'll tell you, I am now a feminist, and I believe that men and women are absolutely equal.And I want you to continue to treat me accordingly!
- Got it.Then help me piano on the second floor of drag?

* * *

couple dine.My wife does not eat almost anything.My husband surprised asks:

- Darling, you do not you eat anything?
- What do you mean you want me to have corroded, and looked like a fat cow?It's going to be terrible!
- Come on, honey, eat.Believe me, a skinny cow does not look better.

* * *

- Look, you have a wife so prettier!
- Where did you get?
- saw yesterday it with you in the car.
- not.It's me your bulldog to the vet drove.

* * *

very jealous husband before leaving said to his friend:

- Keep an eye on my wife.If you see anything unusual, immediately me a telegram.

Three weeks later a telegram: "Urgent come."The husband arrives immediately, goes to the other, asking, what is it?He explains:
- At first it was so.Every evening it went to some guy.He left in the morning, ..
- So why did you just sent a telegram today?
- Unusual began yesterday.The man did not come ...

* * *

Husband sitting at the computer, working.The wife goes next, he asks the Internet.Husband:

- Well, try to find yourself some other activity.
Wife:
- Well, how can I find something else, if my two favorite toys: a computer and a husband - play with each other?

* * *

Hicks, a husband and wife, came to the capital and went to look at the fashion show.Go chic mannequins, models, bikini show.The wife says to her husband:

- What do you razzyavil mouth?Just lost the gift of speech?Look, we're married for fifteen years, did you ever live female legs or chest did not see?

Husband:

- Quiet!Do not bother!Just a question I ask myself now,

* * *

teacher - Vovochke:

- Little Johnny, why are you in dictation the same mistakes as in your neighbor's party?
- So in fact we have one teacher, pigweed Ivanna!

* * *

evening of the guests returned to the husband, wife and a little boy.

- Dad, Dads!Why is the moon so big?
- Huh?- Dozing father shudders.- And who knows ...
- And why the stars are so small?
- Star?And who, sonny knows!
- Dad, Dads!And why ...
- Come on, Peter!Give Dad a break!You see, he was tired!- Enters the mother.
- Nothing!- Is responsible father.- Let asks who does it, but the father, explain everything.