" Smile ! " ( Jokes , jokes , funny sayings )

- Tell me, John, what wife you prefer - gaunt and peevish or fat and happy?
- And how many pounds you have to add, to be cheerful? * * *

wife's mother came to visit.Little grandson, joyfully embracing her, said:
- Hooray!The grandmother arrived!Finally, the Pope will focus!
- What sort of focus, granddaughters?
- He once said that if you're still in time for us to come, he will climb the wall!

* * *

Two friend chat over a cup of coffee.
- I love nature, - says one.
Another looked at her and quipped:
- And that after what she did to you?

* * *

- This doctor works wonders.It's literally a minute cured my wife.
- How?
- It is said that her illness - the symptoms of approaching old age.

* * *

- When we get married, my dear, we will have three children!
- How do you know?
- And they still live at my mom ...

* * *

young husband returned from work and immediately notices his wife:
- You again something burnt in the kitchen!
- Yes, but now the situation hopeless - burned cookbook.

* * *

An ad in the newspaper: "I am the type of cowboy husband.You can no hat and the horse »

* * *

-! It is said that you taught my wife how to play poker?
- And I do not regret it.The day before yesterday, for example, I won her half of his salary.

* * *

- Look, I'm such a fool, such a fool for you that got married ... Well, you have such a good girl that married me!

* * *

- Madam, yesterday I heard you sing.
- Oh, you!I'm just killing time!
- You have chosen a dangerous weapon!

* * *

comes a little frightened girl home, and my mother says:
- Mom, I want to kill!
- How do you know ?!
- I sat, playing in the sandbox, then two men came, took out glasses and a bottle, and they say, "Well, Che, tap the small!»

* * *

- What do you have in your department this high performancelabor?- Asks the boss middle management.
- Every day I bring to the office a newspaper advertisement and read aloud all the vacancies couriers and porters.

* * *

- Are you sure that he wanted to knock your eyes?
- No.Rather, I have the impression that he wanted to drive it deep inside.