" Joke on the occasion of ... "

* * *

- Computer - is evil!
- Aha!
- Turn off the now, and the time to do nothing.
- fridge and TV - two new evil I turned and there was yesterday.

* * *

Little Little Johnny looks like dad paints the ceiling, his mother says:
- Look, Little Johnny, and learn, and grow up to help the Pope will ...
- What it by the time he did notdokrasit ..

* * *

man comes to the dentist and says:?
- Doctor, I have a problem - yellow teeth!
Doctor thoughtfully:
- Yellow teeth, yellow teeth ... Well, wear a green tie!

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- Petrovich, you do not know when we post ends?Well, to be able to calm the meat is.
- What are you, do not eat it?
- Em, but somehow restless ...

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There are two friends:
- I'm pregnant!
- How do you know?
- Why, the doctor said ...
- Who's the father?
- I do not know, the doctor said ...

* * *

the room to his son, the student comes to the father:
- Son, here is the thing ... My mother decided to do the cleaning in the garage and in the glove compartment pan

tiesfound.I told her that you took my car keys.
- But Mom knows that I can not drive!
- Knows!Son, you, more importantly, confirm that the keys would take, and I squeezed bumper!

* * *

In the women's section of the bath naked man comes.Women scream:
- Man, what are you?You're in the men's department is necessary!
Man, surprise:
- What am I, a blue or something?

* * *

granny comes to the doctor.Doctor: - Come on, grandma, behind the screen, undress and lie on the couch.As you are ready, you will call!
a few minutes from behind a screen:
- Go too, mischievous child!

* * *

Foreseeing that something was wrong, even Mumu ate evening foam.

* * *

Man has always believed in a miracle.Especially when an ATM presses the "Balance Inquiry".

* * *

Never man is not so sensitive, attentive and cautious as when there is a kitchen with a full plate of hot soup.

* * *

Sergei night falls from the crib.Mom runs to him:
- Seryozhenka you than hit?
- bedside mat.

* * *

Granddaughter asks:
- Grandma, how old are you?
- Sixty.
- A show on the fingers!

* * *

Dachnik talking over the fence with a neighbor:
- What are you celebrating yesterday?So everyone was dancing ...
- Yes, it's our grandfather turned the hive ...

* * *

teacher in the classroom:
- So, how much is 2 + 4?Little Johnny, answer.
Vovochka long thought, scratching the cheek, the back of the head.
- Well, what do you do?- Said the teacher impatiently.- You know that 2 + 4 = 6.
Vovochka shrugs:
- Yesterday you said that 3 + 3 = 6, and today that 2 + 4 = 6.I do not know what to believe.

* * *

Chief appeals to subordinates:
- Listen, you stop calling me "boss", "boss"!What is totally alien to us foreign language subservience?I do not like this ...
- How to call you?
- Yes Lord!Well, easier somehow, in Russian ... For example, the "benefactor."

* * *

flying aircraft.Suddenly I heard a nasty cotton.Included stewardess and appeals to passengers:
- Do not worry, we have denied one engine.It's okay, and could reach in two, but late for one hour.
It takes half an hour - cotton again.The stewardess comes in and says passengers:
- Do not worry, we have refused a second engine.And glide on one, but three hours late.
Half an hour later - opit cotton.The stewardess comes in and says passengers:
- Well, we have rejected the latest engine ...
From the back of a disgruntled cry:
- What are we now to fly all night here ?!

* * *

phone call.The husband picks up the phone and listening to a little, he said:
- Do not know.Call the weather bureau.
wife asks:
- Who is it?
- probably a sailor of some kind.I asked how there on the horizon.

* * *

new Russian Sitting on a nudist beach, and it and ask:
- What is it you do not remove the jacket?
- This is why?
- Well, there's a nudist beach, it is not made to be dressed.
- As a nude beach?And in the tourist office said: "Five pieces of bucks - and for you a mass striptease!»

* * *

morning found two Jews:
- Haim - Abram says - today I had a terrible night!Downright nightmare!Sophia Loren, Claudia Schiffer, Demi Moore, Pamela Anderson and my wife Celia struggled to give me!
- Do you call this a nightmare?
- Yes, because I won my Celia did!

* * *

Rush Hour.Minibus packed to zero.The girl's purse began loudly calling phone.She begins to look hard, to shift all

content (even we do not know how it's all there vlazit and why), but did not manage to find.And he still ringing and ringing.

passengers impatiently glancing at the girl - when she finds him in his overall purse.Then she gives the phrase on which collapsed with laughter all the passengers minibus:
- Or maybe I forgot it at work ?!

* * *

- Let's have some tea!- The owners said.
- Do not let drink that drink!- Screamed guests.

* * *

husband arrives from a trip, immediately runs to the closet and opens it - no one!Brazen voice from the bed:
- Yes, here I am!

* * *

ad in the newspaper: "The deaf-mute vuvuzela player rein your unruly neighbors.Result guarantee »

* * *

-! Andrew, why are you angry?
- Because I'm Mike!

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- I go to Sochi 15 years, I have 15 photos of the monkey!When I put their houses in a row, I really see her grow old!