" Costs " ( jokes , funny sayings , humor , fun )

* * * judge angrily asked:
- How did you break into this peaceful home late at night?
- I'm sorry, but when I tried last time, you are with the same indignation asked me how I dared to get into someone else's house in broad daylight.Tell me, when will I work?

* * *

Judge - defendant:
- Now tell us how you open the safe?
- It's impossible your honor in the hall full of competitors!

* * *

view of the fact that the defendant took bribes in arbitrary units, the court decides - to punish conditionally ....

* * *

judge asks the defendant:
- Do you recognize thatdrunk, tried to go to the theater?
- admit it!In sober I would have it never occurred ...

* * *

- This small quarrel you could solve without the intervention of the court!
- We thought so too, but when we discussed how best to do this, for some reason, the police came ...

* * *

Court.Our days.
- Witness, what did you do March 16, 1989 at 11h.42 min.?
- ... ???... I was sitting in a chair ... with the calendar in his han

ds ... and looked at his watch.

* * *

Goes court.The judge turns to the accused:
- Defendant explain - why you, like a normal person, a graduate of the prestigious university, was severely beaten postman respected man ?!
- What would you do in my place?He came to me this dear man and says: "I brought a registered letter.But until stantsuesh, I did not give up. "
- And what happened?
- dance ... And that agenda was the draft board!

* * *

judge accused:
- I remind you that you must speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth ... So what do you say to the court?
- What can I say when such restrictions?

* * *

- And why Themis blindfold and scales in the hands holding what that means?
- It means her impartiality: it does not care which side is more than put the money on the scales!

* * *

Prosecutor:
- The defendant has committed a crime, according to a rare courage, skill and wealth of imagination.
- There is nothing to glorify me, I still do not admit!

* * *

Judge turns to the audience present:
- Silence!I warn you that if someone once say "judge on the soap", he went out into the street.
After some time, a voice:
- Judge on the soap!
Judge:
- accused, this does not apply to you.

* * *

- Defendant, do you acknowledge that the victim was killed?
- No.
- Do you know what the punishment for lying under oath?
- Yes, considerably less than for murder.

* * *

Arriving at the court, the plaintiff shows that the defendant has two lawyers.He immediately calls to his lawyer adjourned the meeting and called a colleague as an assistant.He objected:
- This is not hockey!Here decides not quantity.I can handle.
- Do not tell me!Look, when one of his lawyer says a second thought!And who thinks that you say?

* * *

Judge:
- you should at least try to become a different person!
- I've already tried to do this ...
- So what?
- Served for forgery ...