" Well, just an anecdote ! " ( Jokes , funny sayings , humor , fun )

* * * That meeting with the black cat is bad luck, it has been scientifically proven recently through a series of experiments on laboratory mice.

* * *

Yesterday we drank vodka.Then vodka is over, and we ran for a beer.They drank beer, and after that, and the beer was over, it turned out that a friend stayed cognac.And we began to drink cognac.And then, I was poisoned oatmeal cookies ...

* * *

«time - money" - the waiter said, adding the date to the account.

* * *

Police man turns to the inspector:
- Can I talk to that bastard, who last night climbed into my apartment?
- Why do you need it?
- I want to ask how he managed to get so that my wife could not hear?

* * *

gone Masha mushrooms and berries ... I came back with nothing.Because it is necessary to set specific goals!

* * *

- What's the matter?For you now face not!
- Nonsense!Just today I no makeup ...

* * *

Wife:
- I wish I was married to hell!
Husband:
- It is possible: a marriage between brothers and sisters a

re not allowed!

* * *

merchant, going to swimming:
- What do you bring youngest daughter ?!
- Bring me, sir, terrible monster, for sexual pleasures and perversions !!!
- What do you mean, my daughter, I'm a father to you - I can not afford !!!
- (sighs) Well ... go a long way ... Bring me, sir, scarlet flower ...

* * *

Gypsy with two small children in an apartment call the new Russian - beautiful, powerful metaldoor with a bunch of gadgets and bolts.It opens the door to the master.Gypsy:
- The handsome, gold-plated pen!
New Russian:
- You che, in kind?It also will be removed together with the door!

* * *

- Mom, buy a dog!
- No!
- Oh, please, buy.
- I told you, no!Sell ​​it to someone else.

* * *

Husband and wife sitting in a restaurant.To fit a charming young lady to her husband, smacking him on the cheek and walks away without saying anything.The wife asks an angry tone:
- Who is this?
- Leave me alone ... I'm thinking about how I'm going to explain who you are ...

* * *

- Well, how are things at work?
- Do not ask.The chief wants us to work for three, it's good that we have five!

* * *

pretty woman says her neighbor to testify:
- Could you put on the bold your swimsuit and sunbathe on the site?
- No problem.What for?
- I want my husband still engaged in mending fences.

* * *

doorbell new Russian home.Opens wife.

On the threshold is representative of the well-known trading house:
- Dear madam, to offer you our latest catalog

revenue, about which your neighbor told you that they can not afford.

* * *

- And I was ashamed to say thought ...
- It is necessary to think a head, and not ashamed to say!

* * *

The store man timidly turns to the woman:
- I'm sorry, you can not tell in which department of the store, you would go if you had 10 thousand rubles?
- The cosmetic.
- Oh, thank you very much!I ran to look for a wife!

* * *

Expensive?
- Yes, dear!
- We sat up with the guys ...
- Do not worry, dear!
- And now, out of the tavern came out, we wanted to go further ...
- Wonderful!I am now something sgotovlyu!
- I'm sorry, I'm probably the wrong number.

* * *

in prison:
- Ivanov!To your wife!
- Those guys!The verdict was not anything !!

* * *

- The sun!
- What cat?
- Rybonka, make breakfast.
- Of course, bear.
- Thank you swallow.
- You're the goat.
- I love you, pussy.
- I love you too, Bunny.
- Wait!You also do not remember my name?

* * *

son quarrels with parents:
- I'm sick of constantly be with you, always be on time!I want romance, freedom, beer, girls!I'm leaving, and do not try to stop me!
Son decisively goes towards the exit.At the door of his father catches.
- Dad, I said, do not try to stop me!
- I do not stop, son.I'm with you!