" Jokes on the occasion of ... " (humor , jokes , funny sayings )

* * * inscription on the packaging of medicines: "Before applying the sick."

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We have already removed a thousand tons of potatoes, which is a thousand tons more than it actually is ...

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- Sergei, but you have before the wedding, my wife and I wereanything?A?Well, was it?
- Well, it was.In the end, we had longer .. kids, wardrobe was ... TV ... Well, skates we bought after the wedding.

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bullet-fool, an idiot and a grenade in general.

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head on his shoulders there.More used brains ...

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- Mom, that's my boyfriend, meet.He does not drink, does not smoke, does not swear obscenities!
- And you do not get bored with it, my daughter?

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- I think I'm getting a cockroach.
- ???
- made a promise to relatives lose weight and now only eat in the kitchen at night when everyone is asleep.When the switch on the light, I start to panic, hide ...

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- Is it true that this doctor treats a word?
- True.And when there is a hospital medication, and medici

nes.
- But if the patient after a conversation with your doctor is not getting better, it's not a doctor?
- Yes, and if was, then this - not sick.

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Question: Does the composer Gluck really existed or it was only in the imagination of the audience?

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My cat usually does not mind, so I slept in my bed.But on the edge of ...

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Russian scientists have created a universal superglue that glues everything.Now they are working on the problem of how to open the vial.

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did yesterday with his son lessons, and for every mistake made him do push-ups.If you grow dull, at least it will be strong.

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My mom is looking for intelligent interlocutors by a single principle - not to interrupt ...

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- I'm on you completely crazy, Natasha!
- But you did five minutes ago, said the same thing to my sister ...
- Well, I say, completely crazy!

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- All morning, he could not start the car!
- A cause found?
- Yes, my wife took the keys ...

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Opinions spouses sometimes can not match that always happens.

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- How's your husband?
- He was a victim of science.
- Are X-rays?
- No fingerprints.

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- You're behind the train.
- How?
- in mental development ...