" And about women, about men " ( funny sayings , humor , fun )

* * * Unforeseen costs - it costs foreseen wife.

* * *

- reason for divorce with your husband?
- We did not coincide religious views ...
- ?????
- I did not recognize that he is God!

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shows time, prenuptial husband promise to eat all that will prepare wife, much cooler stars in the sky, vows of eternal love and other romantic nonsense.

* * *

Look one girl to the other reminds monitoring baggage at customs.

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Men, remember: if a woman listens to you, do not interrupt, do not wake her up!

* * *

- Bob, and when we meet with you?
- Come at seven.
- Where?
- You go on the subway on the ring to the end - I'll be there waiting.

* * *

- Honey, I look like a perfect woman?
- What are you!You - more!
- And how?
- Kilogram 50 ...

* * *

quarrelsome wife is dissatisfied with cloth, which was bought by the husband:
- You always manage to buy the worst!
- You are right - agrees husband - with you and has started ...

* * *

husband decided to be present at the birth

of his wife.once I entered the rodzal, fainted ... ... pumped only wife began to give birth again pumped down ... ... Well, a couple more times.woke up again, tell him:
- Congratulations, you become a dad!
- Who ...
-? You have a daughter!
- Well, thank God, will not suffer even as I am!

* * *

Oh, girls, I had to go to fizre, there were taught to jump through the goats!

* * *

- Honey, here's a thousand rubles, go and buy yourself some shoes that you like.
- But you do not know how much they cost!
- But now you know.

* * *

family before dinner.
Mom:
- Son, what do you want for lunch?
Son:
- I like the Pope.
Mom:
- It's time you already have an opinion, and not looking at the other.
Son:
- Well, to me then, just like you.
Mom:
- That's good!

* * *

- Hello, dear, how awful!I ripped tights!
- Sit still, do not do anything.I'll call MOE.

* * *

- Nicholas that his wife say, why I drink?
- I'll come and say good night, then two hours quietly stop up your ears and will according to the nod.

* * *

- Yesterday I was at a party I met a girl and we somehow immediately switched to "you."
- What, right away?
- Yes.She once told me: "Fuck you ..ยป

* * *

It was a warning, a shot ...

* * *

caring and loving man would never allow a woman tofor he is sacrificing himself.Trying to lighten her fate as a sacrifice, he would bring it himself.

* * *

Wife - husband:
- Come on, work ahead, you still feed the cat.
- What more cat?
- Which you pay naplachet.

* * *

- Tell me, please, what do these women in white dresses?- Asks a tourist guide.
- See, in Jerusalem, there is a tradition: the wedding day the bride come to the Western Wall - is responsible guide.
- Why?
- To get used to talking to the wall.

* * *

- Hello?Yes, Mom, it's me.We had a fight with her again.Yes, you said that she's a bitch.Yes, now I agree with you ... Yes, you warned me that we should not get married ... Yes, you're right was again.You want to talk to her?Wait a minute ... Hey, come to the phone !!!Your mother is calling !!!

* * *

- Darling, it's true that I have given to you by God?
- Yes, dear .... only for what sins I do not know ...