"Fun ? "( Funny sayings , humor , jokes )

* * * two sit in a restaurant and talk:
- I do not understand why such a very decent restaurant called "The robbers"?
- That will bring you to account - you will understand.

* * *

met two friends:
- How are you?
- Sucks!I took a friend 5 thousand dollars on plastic surgery, and now do not know what he looks like!

* * *

The man led the goat to the dog show.
- Register us, please.
- Yes, it's a goat!
- A beard?This Giant Schnauzer!
- A horn?
- And ask not meddle in the private life of my dog!

* * *

escaped from the zoo elephant.The next morning the man calls the police:
- I'm in the garden some huge gray beast tail tears cabbage!
- And what did he do with it?
- If I tell you, you will not believe.

* * *

One guy got roaches.He them, and dichlorvos, and small "Masha", and what does not hunted, and they, the bastards, not only dying, but also mutate.The man complained to a neighbor.And he also says:
- before you go to bed, go around all the rooms and in every corner of the saying, "

nothing to eat!»
He thinks, "Well, I will do, as a neighbor advises.Here I walked before bedtime all angles, cast a spell and fell to sleep.Sleeps, feels like someone pushed him in the shoulder.Open your eyes, sees a huge crowd of cockroaches, but the most important to him and says:
- A man enough sleep, you eat brought ...

* * *

- I'm a hike always take a photo of Tiffany.
- Why?
- Well, how?Thunder, lightning, rain, cold, gryazische, mosquitoes bite, and I look at the card and think, "Lord, well, how!»

* * *

talk to two friends:
- I was about to leave yesterdaywork 5 minutes before the end of the day, and the chief at that time went to our office and asked, they say, where I was going.I replied to him that if you go for 5 minutes before the crowd in the subway several times smaller.
- Well, it is what?
- He bastard, I replied: "And if you go out for a couple of hours later, the crowd all there!»

* * *

Sailors do not have questions.In the history of the program, "What?Where?When? "From the sailors did not come to a single question.

* * *

Little Johnny asked the pharmacy:
- Do you have any reliable anesthetic?
- boy and that hurts you?
- Nothing, but my father had gone to the parents' meeting.

* * *

If your cat morning, mysteriously smiling, slippers is best not to wear.

* * *

Two things in life can not be brought to the extreme - and desist use.

* * *

After all the TV channels have shown that victims of forest fires in Russia have new comfortable houses, forests in Russia can not be saved ...

* * *

If thetwo cold and rainy days become warmer and the sun shines brightly - is likely to come on Monday.

* * *

ball still flew out the window Director, and the children are playing hide and seek ...

* * *

Russian language teacher cried bitterly, checking essays on the topic "How I spent summer".Now she knew what to do, but as the years have gone.