" Smile ! "(Humor , fun , jokes , funny sayings )

* * * ad at the bar: "Visitors who drink to forget the purpose of their problems, ask to pay for liquor forward."

* * *

He had no idea that so cool, until I started to write a resume ...

* * *

In ZhEKe:
- Grandma, do you have such a crude flat?You're not exaggerating?
- What are you!Today I found the fish a mousetrap!

* * *

A man wakes up in the morning, his wife asks:
- The new year has passed?
- passed.
- And what's the date today?
- second of January.
- And the first was?

* * *

Of all I like suckling pig dairy products.

* * *

- Little Johnny, who you want to be?
- Santa Claus.
- Why?
- What's wrong?Week worked - and a year is free!

* * *

- What do you do if you get a million dollars?
- Nothing.
- How?
- Why?

* * *

the corridor of the car running man looks into each compartment and excitedly asked.
- whether anyone cognac?Lady in the last coupe was bad.Someone hands him a bottle.Man uncorks and takes a swig:
- Thank you very much!I always become ill when I see

a woman in a swoon.

* * *

Father scolds Vovochku for deuces:
- What are you for this muddle, in whom only ugly?You're as stupid as this table ... - and frustrated father rapped his knuckles on the table.
Vovochka:
- Dad, do you hear?Keep on!
- I hear.Go learn your lessons.I myself will open.

* * *

doctor tells the patient indignantly.
- You look pretty bad!I told you quite clearly said - only 10 cigarettes a day!
- I remember well, the doctor, but you must admit, for a man who had never smoked, it's still not so little!

* * *

MaƮtre makes a remark to the waitress:
- Be careful when calculating customer!I heard yonder bald type boasted that he ordered five beers and drank six.
- Yes.But I received from him in seven.

* * *

lady indignantly:
- Someone spread the rumor that I got married on the calculation, and I do not even know what his millions.

* * *

- You bastard!All my life I messed up!All youth spent on you!
- Honey, enough to talk to a diploma.

* * *

Policeman stops the driver:
- You broke the rules ...
Driver:
- I'm sorry, but maybe I'm sorry, I have a birthday today.
Policeman looking at the driver's license on the date of birth:
- Congratulations and, of course, I forgive, but I want to drink to your health tonight !!!

* * *

- Your wife what kind of work?
- Architect ophthalmologist ...
- And she does ???
- Eyes builds.

* * *

phone call.The man picks up the phone.At the end of the line:
- Hello!Is that you, darling ?!
- Ya Who says?