"The women and men with a smile " (humor , jokes , funny sayings )

* * * - I'm crazy about you.
- not by me, but by nature.
- The plan?

* * *

- Honey, what kind of fish we swim in the ear?
- What do you want, my ears do not like ?!
- Calm down, I like the ear.I do not like that the fish eat it.

* * *

women understand very difficult.How many times can watch "Titanic", where the water takes more than one hundred people - it is for them romance.A film in which only 2 torn from the hands of man - this is a horror to look scary ...

* * *

- Honey, go to the store!
- Honey, well, look what the weather - good dog the master of the house does not expel!
- And you go alone, without Bobik!

* * *

There are two old friends:
- How are you?
- Okay.Married for 10 years.His wife, however, as the chainsaw - constantly nags and nags.What about you?
- also normal.Married only 2 years.My wife is still nothing - like a jigsaw ...

* * *

Each girl must be a mystery.As well as password and admin panel with lots of options.

* * *

couple, hugging, sitting on th

e couch:
- What do you think?
- about the same as you!
- Great!Then do me one and only ham!

* * *

- Why do you give your doggie a strange name - Goat?
- I like to call him on the street and watch all the guys turn around!

* * *

Marriage is when the desire to have every day fresh shirt, overshadows the fact that it's a bit strait.

* * *

The fact that my family fell apart, both are guilty, and I believe that wine is distributed evenly: 50% - his wife, 50% - mother-in-law.

* * *

Other - Other:
- And what did you feel after you broke up with her?
- As if lost 10 rubles.It seems, and it is a pity, but somehow do not care.

* * *

guy says to his girlfriend:
- Yesterday I met your mother.
- Well, how?
- Do not worry, I'll still love you!

* * *

Smart woman appreciates the compliment man evaluates himself silly.

* * *

Balanced, although sometimes severe, persistent, serious - is the climate.Whimsical, changeable and unpredictable - it is his wife, the weather.

* * *

She:
- You can not drink, you're wrong.He
:

- Have you seen me drunk?She
:
- Why?I see you sober.

* * *

Girls!I want to warn you: those of you who thinks I'm evil, can only rely on goats.
Sincerely, Love.

* * *

best 10 years in the life of any woman fall between the ages of 28 and 30th years.

* * *

man should speak only three words: love, buy, let's go!

* * *

- And he told you about their past relationships told?
- No.
- Here's a goat!And did you tell him?
- No.
- That's good!

* * *

Russia has two main problems.First - what fools still a lot.The second - that fools is becoming less and less.

* * *

- So would you and eat.
- You should have stuck a bone in your throat.

* * *

Rams - it is men who do not understand the psychology of women, but the goats - a very contrary ...

* * *

Sometimes, lying on the couch, drinking a beer,watching TV!And then the bell: "You took a son?Products bought?Tomorrow mom is coming, I remember?What are you silent, Sergei? "And you do not Sergei, you Nick !!!And for the holiday soul!

* * *

two years I lived with her all was well.Then came the whims: "Well, tell me your name ..!ยป

* * *

Married men live longer painful ...

* * *

- They talk to two men:
-You for that men and women have equal rights, or against?
- I am with both hands.You know, so sick wife to obey.

* * *

And I like to be married.It's so great to find that special person who wants to anger the rest of his life.

* * *

- late and did not even apologize!
- Well, I'm sorry, dear.
- Fuck you in Figs with your apology!

* * *

- My child is tortured.Three years old, and he just eats shit and screams!
- boy?Girl?
- Boy.
- Well, then everything is fine, he always will be.

* * *

- Svetik, honey, to our guests today will drop, prepare something for dinner!
- There is no question, and how to cook - that still come or not to come over?

* * *

girl - guy:
- Do you think you can love me?
- I think so.
- So what are you waiting for ?!