" Tell anecdote ... "

* * *

- Well, as you managed to cure your teeth?
- No.The doctor discovered I have a very serious contraindication.
- What?
- lack of the necessary amount of money!

* * *

- I do not care that there are: caviar or black bread.
- I see you still eat caviar, but not bread?
- What's the difference?

* * *

Cinderella syndrome sudden, brutal and merciless.She got up at night to drink some water, wanted to wipe the stain off the table and washed the kitchen ...

* * *

Late at night, furtively, trying to tread carefully, pretty drunk, a man sneaks up to the door of his apartment.He patted his pockets - no keys sown.Strong hesitated, presses the call button.The door swings open instantly, standing on the threshold of his wife with a radiant smile on his face.
- Oh, Vasya, my sweetheart!I waited for you, falcon, tired of waiting, all eyes are overlooked!
- I'm sorry, woman, sorry, goes around - the door confused.

* * *

Go Chukchi geologist.Suddenly they see - right on their rushing polar be

ar.Chukchi throws to put on skis.
Geologist:
- useless.You still will not be able to run faster than the bear.
Chukchi:
- Whatever.The main thing - to run faster than you.

* * *

- rumors reached me that you recently got married, the truth is that it?
- Was the case.
- Well, as a wife, I suppose, a beauty?
- There is such a thing.Exactly to a tee - Venus de Milo.And at the same armless economy - all the dishes in the house already interrupted.

* * *

two men go to the bank.One says:
- I would like to take a small amount of ...
- your account number?
- If he had I had, I would not hold today a pistol.

* * *

wife came to her husband in prison on a date.Five minutes later, he said:
- I have to go, honey.All the time I think how hard our dog to sit all day one locked up.

* * *

- Yesterday I was offered the hand, heart and love to the grave ...
- From the tomb give up at once!

* * *

wife, meeting her husband returned from work:
- Finally!
- Did I come too late?
- I do not know.Finally, you smell like perfume decent women!

* * *

Synoptics asked:
- Whether or not Moscow snow in the New Year?
- No, probably, likely, maybe, - said the forecaster.

* * *

- Attention earth!He said board 13!We refused the onboard computer.What to do?
- Bort 13!Bort 13!This manager!Do you hear me?Play is on standby!Play the backup ...

* * *

The couple enters the Louvre.They stop in front of the statue of Venus de Milo.The husband looks at his wife and says politely:
- similarity with you striking.
- You finally noticed that I was barefoot and I do not have anything decent to put on.

* * *

At the party, the wife of one of the staff came to the respectable men and said:
- Please tell me you are the CEO of the company?
- Yes, but as you've guessed?
- My husband is so funny you copy, everyone always laugh to colic!

* * *

secretary enters the office of the chief, and said:
- From this moment on I will have the salary of one thousand dollars and 4 days off per week!
Head sarcastically:
- And who told you that, my dear ???
- gynecologist and lawyer !!!

* * *

young man gets a job.It comes in a familiar office.Employees - one elderly woman.One of the women says playfully:
- Come in, come in our flower garden!
young man quietly:
- What the hell kind of a flower bed, then herbarium.

* * *

girl comes to the young man:
- Kirill!You'll be a dad ...
- Wow ... And you what?

* * *

If the night my husband called you a false name - will respond, you will not regret ..

* * *

conversation seller and buyer on the market:!
- It currants?
- Currant.
- Black?
- No, red.
- Why is it white?
- Because green ...

* * *

average woman prefers to be beautiful, but not smart, because the average man can see better than uptake.

* * *

chef to his subordinate:
- Ivanov!You're fired!
Ivanov:
- Fired?Strange, I thought that slaves are sold ...

* * *

Wife - husband:
- We're never happen are
- Okay, tomorrow I go to throw out the trash, I will take you with me!

* * *

- You will not lend me a pencil?
- Here, take.
- It's red
- And that red is too difficult for you?

* * *

visitor:
- I always put a note in his pocket with the address in the event that in the event of intoxication could bring me home.
- And what you write there?
- Paris Boulevard Montmartre ...
- But you live in Chelyabinsk!
- Live in Chelyabinsk.But a couple of times transported still in Paris!

* * *

little boy sits on a park bench and chews a candy bar after another.After the sixth candy man off the bench opposite says:
- My son, eat so many sweets - it is harmful.Spoil your teeth, you will fat ....
- And my grandfather lived to be 106 years old.
- And that, he ate six candies a day?
- No, he would not climb into other people's business.