Funny phrases

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Branch of the USSR Union of Cinematographers for early completion of the construction of the House of Cinema requests to release the following equipment: toilet paper - 3 pack, tea set - 3 pieces.
(From an application.)

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Darling Kravchenko, 49 years old, lives without a muzzle dog often bites.There are among the tenants home loss.Take action, and it is not only us and you zagryzet too.
(From the statement in a friendly court.)

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dear bride!Take care of her husband.Marriage - is a concern.It is this concern, when you think about it in the first place.Always - about it.All - about it.And then - nothing of the other.
(From the farewell at the wedding.)

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Zhiroopredelenie each milkmaid at least 8 times a month.Fat content by milkmaids must coincide with the data of a dairy plant in the past month.
(Out of order.)

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I, George P. Zaitsev, born in 1952, on July 10 this year, drinking beer on the balcony.Suddenly I noticed that beneath my balcony cat torturing a sparrow.

I'm not losing a single second, he threw a cat in a bottle, but hit the passer-by who shouted and called a policeman.I pleaded guilty and promise that in the future will never help out a sparrow.
(From the explanatory memorandum.)

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Grapes "Ladies' boy."
(From the price tag.)

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Please transfer me to another any work.Translation reason - the chief biological incompatibility with me.
(. From the statement)

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I think Paszkowski recognized me as he came to me, he said: "Oh, you scoundrel!"
(Because explanatory.)

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motto of our shop not only sell vodka, but also to explain every boozer, what it turns into a human body.
(From the speech.)

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Bear came very close to the ship, because he knew that the hunting of polar bears is prohibited, they are even listed as endangered, and he has nothing to fear.
(From the TV.)

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Please give me a truck to deliver the manure in the garden of my former roommate.It will be a surprise to her March 8 and partially compensated for my antisocial act, manifested in the fact that I left her forever.
(From the statement.)

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Jellied beef with shitty snack.
(from the restaurant menu.)

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you are allowed to live for only one day.After that, anything can not help
(Warning hotel administrator.)

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an acquaintance through her acquaintance she was born in 1951, the illegitimate son from me.
(From the statement.)

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Selezneva BT - Head of the sewerage network in connection with the production needs to cancel.
(From the order.)

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actions of my client, used to steal the wheels and a jack socket wrench, can not be regarded as committing to the use of technical means.It is customary for the drivers and tools as ordinary for them, as for us, spoon and fork.
(From the speech of a lawyer.)

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I was drunk at work in connection with the victory of the Moscow "Spartak".I said this victory, the team who brought "Spartacus", Moscow (USSR), in the next draw.For what was in a drunken state, I ask blame football Moscow "Spartak".I promise that in the future this will not happen again.
(. Because explanatory)

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On offense I pushed terrible nonsense in the first place - a love of music.
(From cassation)

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Vermicelli with increased egg.
(From the price tag)

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If you do not want me to write and complain to the right place, then plug my mouth with a good salary.
(From the speech at the meeting.)