Funny jokes about everything

* * *

most difficult of the eternal question is not "What do I do?" Or "Who is to blame?" And "Where were you, you beast?ยป

* * *

on the Garden Ringfaced 600 th "Mercedes" FSB general and "Lexus-470 General Interior Ministry.Guilty recognized as "nine" traffic police, who arrived on the scene.

* * *

- Imagine, yesterday blocked the driving test.I was told that I pedaltonik.

- How's that?

- Gas pedal from the brake pedal can not tell.

* * *

Autopilot - when it does not remember, but you wake up in his bed.Automatism - is when all you remember, but fall asleep in someone else's.

* * *

I started to go on shaping and in the past month dropped 20 thousand rubles!

* * *

What Moscow material well-being?This is where the money for a car there and drive it around the city did not have enough time.

* * *

modesty - that's what makes respect others, listen to them attentively and not interrupt when you are praised.

* * *

movie star, appearing to see a doctor:

- You can undress, the doctor?

- No need, I just yesterday saw your last film!

* * *

If the money - the evil, then it is hardly surprising that among the good people it is never enough!

* * *

Odnoklassniki - we have 9 million slackers!And this is not the limit!

* * *

read "Faust" by Goethe, locksmith Sidorov decided to sell his soul to the devil for an apartment on Kutuzov.What the devil laughed and said that he has long been no such prices, and more than immortality, Sidorov could not count.

* * *

- Honey, I want to spend the holiday 20 years ago.

- But we have only been married 19 years.

- That's that's the whole point.

* * *

sale Piano "Elegy", b / y.On the cover a small crack of an ax.

* * *

Well, when a person seeks to be first everywhere.It's bad when the man works as a driver minibus ...

* * *

woman on reception at the psychotherapist.

- Doctor, I can not understand, I love my husband.

- Why did you doubt?

- because during sex, I do not always think about it.

- And for whom?

- About sex with someone doing ...

* * *

literature lessons in school.Teacher:

- Little Johnny!What, in your opinion, are different from the present-day people are the heroes of Russian classics?

- Literary hero proud of honest poverty and ashamed unjustly acquired wealth.The modern man - on the contrary!

* * *

- seems to work from morning till night, even taking home work, and his wife unhappy,

- And who do you work for?

- a pathologist.

* * *

- Honey, I invite you to dinner by candlelight, rolling in the breakfast!

- It is we that will guzzle all night or what?