Jokes for mood

* * *

wife, thoughtfully, looking out the window: "It's raining ...»

husband, not looking up from the paper, he says: "Tell me the house I do not have."

* * *

- Grandma, you yourself have come to us?

- Sama, granddaughters, itself.

- But mom said you

devils brought ...

* * *

wife announces to her husband:

- I have two news: good and bad.

- Well, what is it?

- I go away from you.

- And what is bad?

* * *

walks late at night one neighbor to another:

- Look, lend a rolling pin for half an hour.

- I'm sorry, I can not.The very

husband was waiting for!

* * *

husband runs into the house:

- Do not you dare deny it!I know everything!

- Now check - she replies calmly.

- Well, tell me, what is the depth of the lake Titicaca?

* * *

- I gave you the best years of his life »

-! Do not scare.Do I still have the worst?

* * *

Husband catches wife in bed with another.

It: Again, suspicious ?!

* * *

friend asks

friend who recently married:

- Well, both as a husband?

- Awful.you can not, you can not smoke Drink vodka

, can not swear ,null,

-. Yes, even cry.

- Crying also can not be!

* * *

man complains to a friend:

- You know, I have a wife at all but hires.And yours?

- I do not know, I have not talked to her about you.

* * *

Psychiatrist:

- Tell me, madam, whether in your family cases, delusions of grandeur?

- The husband sometimes says that he is the head of the family!

* * *

wife asks her husband:

- You'll burgers?

- Buda.

- no meat.

- Well, then I will not ...

- Do not you like the way I cook ?!

* * *

said that children brought up like most grandparents.However, honest kids more than anything love to still cream.

* * *

- Grandma came to confession.Pop starts asking questions:

- Do You took someone else's?

- Never, sir!

- swears swear words?Profanity?

- No, sir!

- I commit adultery?

- How is that, sir?

- slept with someone else's husband?

- What are you, sir!Is a stranger, then fall asleep ?!

* * *

so happened that an old woman had never walked through the hospitals and did not use medical services.But once grown daughter still persuaded her to get tested - they say, so it will be quieter.Grandmother visited all doctors, and then, just in case the fire, sent her to a gynecologist.The young doctor looked at it as it should be, the old lady dressed and already leaving the office, stopped and asked him: - And tell me, son, mother, then your know what you're doing here?

* * *

man nice prospect leads while his mistress.Suddenly, her husband returned home.The woman quickly takes the bag of garbage gives hand standing on the threshold of her husband and said: "Darling, please rendered rubbish."Lover at this time goes unnoticed and thinks: "What's my clever and quick-witted mistress."He comes to my house and my wife from the doorway: "Darling, please rendered rubbish."

man takes the package down to the garbage cans and muttering under his breath: "That lazy.All day sitting at home, and even a garbage can not bear. "

* * *

- Bunny, today I invited a friend to dinner - my husband says.

- Are you crazy ?!- Angry wife.- Houses mess, no food, dirty dishes ... I do not want to cook!

- I know.

- Why in this case, other invited for dinner?

- Because he is a fool, thought up to get married ...