Funny jokes

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woman comes to a psychologist.

- Doctor!My husband is already two years does not work.Drinks, beats, rowdy, out of the house all the drags-spends on drink, on the house doing nothing, walks, drives home alcoholics and their "friends" ... And recently left me.Doctor!How to bring it back?

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student sends a telegram home mom "failed the exam.Prepare the pope. "

A day receives the answer: "The Pope is prepared.Prepare yourself! »

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There are two friends.

- How are you?

- Yes, okay, well, only my wife and I had a fight.

- This is for what reason?

- Yes just can not agree with it, where to spend a vacation.

- Why so?

- Yes, you know, I'm going to Thailand and she wants to go with me ...

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Russian Government again calms citizens: "There is no reason for the growth of food prices rising prices just".

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Bell Professor at two o'clock.

- You sleep, you bastard?And we teach.

- Why?I engaged further with three of your classmates.Round excellent pupil, by the w

ay, and you teach guys teach.

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Men want to indecent relations with beautiful women, women are the opposite: a beautiful relationship with horny men.

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- Why is Brad Pitt's house is worth $ 3 million, and a nice house on the ruble - $ 5 million?

- Because the house Brad Pitt is 8000 km from Moscow.

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- Who is the diplomat?

- man, able to convince his wife that luxury mink coat her look fat.

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- Are you so afraid to lose the job?

- No.I'm not afraid to lose this job, I'm afraid of not finding another.

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- You have fresh cakes?

- No.Old, for the second year are.

- A bun?

- Take the best cakes.

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- Why are your ears?- Teacher asks the child.

- to see everything.

- But this has eyes.

- That may be so.But if there is no ear cap will slide to the eyes, and I did not see anything.

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woman came to a jewelry store.Sees ring.Ask the seller:

- What won the ring cost?

- $ 1000.

- Wow!And there is how much it costs?

- Two Wow!

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In an antique shop:

- And you give a guarantee that this picture is authentic?

- Of course.Warranty - two weeks!

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buyer at the bookstore, contact the seller:

- Do not recommend a good detective?

- Here's what you need: a detective, which is read in one breath, and most importantly, it is unclear to the last page - Who is the murderer?

- Excellent, and the name of this book?

- «The guard-killer."

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leave work ahead of time can only be limited and ignorant people.After all, the Internet is always so interesting!