Funny anecdote

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secretary enters the office of the chief, and said:
- From this moment on I will have the salary of one thousand dollars and 4 days off per week!
Head sarcastically:
- And who told you that, my dear ???
- gynecologist and my lawyer!

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- Announcement: "A young man with a defect of looking for a girl, pleasant to the touch"

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girl comes to the young man:
- Kirill!You'll be a dad ...
- Wow ... And you what?

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- leave school and can not decide where to go ...
- Come to our aviation - will be put to the sky!
- is better for us, in agriculture - after graduation will be interred ...

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If the husband the night called you a false name - will respond, you will not regret ..

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!Talk of the seller and buyer on the market:
- It currants?
- Currant.
- Black?
- No, red.
- Why is it white?
- Because green ...

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Institute.Most of the audience.There is a lecture.Suddenly the door opens and bursts drunken student.
- chatmenam Hello everyone!This is

a test!Can you see me?

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average woman prefers to be beautiful, but not smart, because the average man can see better than uptake.

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Little girl crying at night:
- Mama, Mama, tell me the tale!Well, tell the tale!
Mom answered:
- Daddy Who will tell the tale and we both ...

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The couple enters the Louvre.They stop in front of the statue of Venus de Milo.The husband looks at his wife and says politely:
- similarity with you striking.
- You finally noticed that I was barefoot and I do not have anything decent to put on.

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At the party, the wife of one of the staff came to the respectable men and said:
- Please tell me you are the CEO of the company?
- Yes, but as you've guessed?
- My husband is so funny you copy, everyone always laugh to colic!

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this year was in 1988. A friend of mine worked terribly far away from home (2.5 hours each way) and would sit up late at work.And now, says his wife, late in the evening the doorbell.The wife asks:
- Who?
In response - silence.He looks through the peephole, and there is pious and shows her badge to work.Silently.She opens the door, he goes through it directly into the living room.As was, in a winter coat and shoes, falls on the sofa, he said in the space:
- A travel!
and falls asleep.

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visitor:
- I always put a note in his pocket with the address in the event that in the event of intoxication could bring me home.
- And what you write there?
- Paris Boulevard Montmartre ...
- But you live in Chelyabinsk!
- Live in Chelyabinsk.But a couple of times transported still in Paris!

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little boy sits on a park bench and chews a candy bar after another.After the sixth candy man off the bench opposite says:
- My son, eat so many sweets - it is harmful.Spoil your teeth, you will fat ....
- And my grandfather lived to be 106 years old.
- And that, he ate six candies a day?
- No, he would not climb into other people's business.

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On the screens out the new horror film "Hello, I'm your tёscha"

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He:
- After what happened, I was an honorable man would have to marry you.She
(dressing, frightened):
- What happened?

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Ha Jobs always give 100%!12% on Monday, 23% in vtopnik, in media 40%, 20% and 5% chetvepg Friday!

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- Still women are smarter than men!
- Why is that ?!
- Have you ever heard about a woman who got married only because his long legs?

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- Doctor, when I touch the tip of his tongue lump foil, in which the previously baked potatoes, I tingle behind his ear.What does it mean?
- What do you have too much free time!

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News:
Now traffic police will not use special devices to determine the degree of intoxication of the driver.Now, if you stop, your sobriety hesitated, then as a proof thereof, you will be required only to clearly pronounce the phrase: "Sirenevenky glazkovykolupyvatel poluvylomannymi with legs."

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message to a pager, "Kate, I want to come back to you and the children Open balcony door, then cold.!"

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child calls mother from the yard:
- Ma-a-ma-ah-ah-ah ...
Louder:
- Ma-a-ma-ah-ah-ah-ah!
wild cry of the whole area:
- Ma-a-ma-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah !!!
From the twelfth floor window pops woman:
- What do you want?
- Pope Call ...

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man he like tangle when the woman lets it go, it is dissolved;when taking it in his hands, he unwound.

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- Dad, Sergei hit me.
- Well, let him surrender.
- Dahl, before he started to beat me.

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little son asks his father washing dishes:
- Dad, how many years you serve my mother?

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There were no signs of trouble.It was a normal day - Friday the 13th ...

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- You will lie with me for 50 thousand dollars?
- Yes
- And for a hundred rubles?
- for whom you take me for?
- Whom I will accept, we have figured out the only question is the price!

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Today I woke up, I saw - that something is not right.The main thing is that something is not right, too, I woke up and immediately: - I want coffee I want coffee!

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chef to his subordinate:
- Ivanov!You're fired!
Ivanov:
- Fired?Strangely, it seemed to me that the slaves are sold ...

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- I look and think: you're healthy wardrobe, Serge.A antresolka something empty.

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Wife - husband:
- We're never happen are
- Okay, tomorrow I go to throw out the trash, I will take you with me!

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- You will not lend me a pencil?
- Here, take.
- It's red
- And that red is too difficult for you?