Humor " at the wheel "

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President promised that the roads in Russia will, as in Germany.Bulldozers have already sent them ...

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plants useful - they produce oxygen, so necessary vehicles.

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If put on the map Russia, all cases of corruption of traffic police inspectors will Atlas Russian roads.

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Policeman stops the car and behind the wheel - his former teacher.

- Hello, Maria Ivanovna.Open a notebook, take a pen and write 100 times - "I do will never violate the rules of the road ..."

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especially for blondes at the gas station, a new product - "Petrol low-calorie."

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- Do you know why the "Zaporozhets" rack front?

- because at this speed for the little things necessary to take care.

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Husband and wife are pushing the car to the service center.The husband says:

- Still the type who sold us this rattletrap, in exactly the same was right ...

- What is it?

- This machine is really almost does not consume gasoline.

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In mashine.Ona:

- Idiot, idiot, moron !!!We've just run over a cat !!!

- Yes, dear.Of course, you're right, dear.Maybe you still let me behind the wheel?

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- How's your wife with driving a car?

- Fine.The road gradually begin to go where it wants to go.

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After driving lessons at a driving school instructor says cadet:

- you need to learn better control of the machine.Today you brought down ten pedestrians.

- Ten?And how much you need to get right?

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exam for a driving license:

- What would you do if, traveling by car more than a kilometer, found that the key to it, you left in the garage?

- I would have stopped and went to get a better view of the idiot who pushes her!

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- And we have again a new car - boasts the boy on the street.

- And what?

- I have not seen.Dad all night in the garage her number interrupted, repainted.

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inscription in the bus: "Dear passengers !!!Please do not distract the driver.Pray Silence !!! »

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On the sociological question:" Do the police that you are not afraid, "the vast majority of the respondents replied:" Yes.This chorus of MIA »

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-! You would not want to spend a holiday in Britain?

- The desire is there, but that drive on the left I do not like!I've recently tried on the Garden Ring - no, it's not for me!

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girl driver knocks down a pedestrian out of the car and said to him:

- I was 7 years old I drive a car, but you had to go carefully!

Pedestrian:

- Yes?Well, for me there can be no complaints, as I go for 45 years!

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talk to two friends:

- How to wean your dog chasing cars!

- Yes, let chases!

- Unfortunately, if you come across the Oka, he catches up with her and digs in the garden!

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- Hello, this is the insurance company?You can insure the right front wheel?

- And what about the rest?

- And the rest was stolen.

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One man to another:

- I'm afraid I'll have to sell the car ...

- What's wrong?

- Every time I stop, a police officer approaches and asks if there are witnesses of the accident.

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tips to motorists:

- Do not drive a car with one hand, hugging girlfriend.Better she is driving, then you will be able to embrace it with both hands.

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Wife - husband:

- Today I met a friend.

- I do not care ...

- There is no way.But both cars will have to take into scrap metal.

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- You know, I so would like to buy a car - pleading said the wife.

- would have seen the light ...

- This or that?- Asks the husband.

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- Vasya, and your pimped can ride at a speed of 60 km per hour?

- Of course you can!

- A 70 km / h?

- No!An hour is not much kilometers.

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If your wife wants to learn how to drive a car, the most important thing - do not stand in her way.

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A guy walks into a country bar, the visitors which clearly do not belong to high society.Looking around the audience, he asks:

- Well, who among you are the strongest?

Here arises a jock with criminal mug, covered in tattoos, and answers:

- Well, I'm the strongest.Is there something you wanted to say?

-, please Sorry, you do not help me to roll the car to the nearest gas station?

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In the garage:

- Tell me, you can do something with this car?- The customer asks.

- of course - answers the master.

- It is only necessary to remove it from the front and rear bumpers and put a new car between them.

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Motorist opens his eyes in a hospital bed.Carefully look at your neighbor and say with surprise:

- Listen to, and in fact we are somewhere already met!

- And what, - says a neighbor.- Therefore, we are both here and are!

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Goes man in Moscow.Speed ​​can withstand no more than 60 km / h, traveling only at the green light, in compliance with all regulations.Stops its traffic police officer.Documents checked, checked the numbers, all the same.

- We drive to the police station - it offers the driver.

- For what?- The driver asks.

- What are you sneaking around Moscow - traffic police officer responsible.

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pretty girl passes through a red light.Traffic inspector whistled, she grew several times.

- You heard me you whistled?- He asks severely.

- Yes, - she says - but now I'm busy tonight.

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Police:

- And you do not remember the number of the truck that hit you in the ribs?

The injured motorist:

- Imagine remembered.Amazing coincidence: the first two digits - it's my age, and the second two - the age of my wife.

Wife:

- Diego, I think we will not sue the driver of the truck ...

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Traffic inspector - driver:

- Why You stole a car?

- I had to catch a train.

- And you could not go on the tram?

- Could, of course.But who ever hijacked the tram?

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policeman stopped a woman and asked:

- Why you drove a red light?

- Well, you know, I have a red lipstick, red handbag, red boots, red dress, red car.Well, how can I in all of this to go green?

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significant part of the accident is due to the fact that the driver underestimates the obstacle on the right.Especially one that is near and not close his mouth.

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- Why did you break the speed limit?

- I would domchalis home earlier than will operate vodka.