We are all a little bit ...

* * *

- In the morning I hear the alarm sound, it seems to me that I was shot.

- And you jump?

- No, I'm lying like a log!

* * *

sits psychiatrist (P) in his office, bored - patients do not go.

here so quietly opens the door to him and crawls on all fours person (B) clutching something in his mouth, hands, etc., but something else is dragged behind.

P: - Oh, who is it to us then creeps ?!It's probably a little snake.Creeps, snake, crawl, small, the doctor will help you.

man waving his head negatively.

P: - Ah.It's probably on a visit to the bug, we complained.Crawl, bug, a chair and tell the doctor uncle, what happened to you ...

man waving his head negatively.

P: So, who is with us - probably a little worm?

B: Doctor, I have a network of pave !!!

* * *

entry in the medical record: no mental illness.Pposto dupak.

* * *

favorite advice of psychologists: If you are tired of all, try to entertain themselves with something else.

* * *

- Doctor, my husband is constantly list

ening to records at home.This is about you saying something?

- Hmm ... Just about his addiction to beauty!

- Yes?Doctor, but we have no home player!

* * *

During a call introverts look at their shoes and extroverts - shoes at him.

* * *

- You know, doctor, I have absolutely no abnormalities.And I started to think about constantly, is it ok?

* * *

- How many psychiatrists it takes to change a light bulb?

- It absolutely does not matter.It is important if they want to be replaced by light itself.

* * *

customers come to the psychoanalyst.Located on the couch ... and silent.Psychoanalyst waits patiently.In absolute silence passed hour.The customer stands in silence, leaving $ 50 and said goodbye and leaves.The next time the picture is repeated.And so a few times ... After a week of sessions psychoanalyst can not stand:

- Maybe you about something you want to ask me?

client happily:

- Is it possible?

- Of course!

- Doctor, you do not need a partner?

* * *

girl comes to a psychologist.

- What are you reporting?

- Why, doctor, depressed, bored, guys - goats, friend - bitch.

- I think you need to update your life - make the cut, rearrange the furniture in the room.

- All tried, I really do not know what else to do.

- Um ... Oh!Try to rearrange the icons on your desktop ...

* * *

- You know, my husband is sitting all day and meditate.

- What does he do on the weekends?

- Just sitting ...

* * *

man walks to the sex therapist and says:

- Doctor, you know, I love my wife.

- No, no, no, it's not me, it's the psychiatrist!

* * *

- Doctor, I sometimes think that life does not make sense!

- Well you, my friend!I sometimes think that it is ...

* * *

man comes to the psychoanalyst.Psychoanalyst:

- Well, what's your problem that bothers tell.

- You know, doctor, I have absolutely no deviation, not a single problem.

- So what's the matter, why you came to me?

- You know, doctor, I began to think about constantly, is it ok?

* * *

- Doctor, I can relax, unwind, take a trip to Liechtenstein?

- What are you, my dear!You have the same claustrophobic, a Liechtenstein !?