Again anecdote !

* * *

- Look, please, my printer.
- What about him?
- Yes, I go to the site, I read jokes - funny, print - not funny.

* * *

woman comes to the doctor-dietician.He asks:
- Sweet respect?
- No!
- Flour eat?
- No!
- A meat?
- What do you mean, I'm a vegetarian!
- Well, anything you like?
- Eggplant.
- So, you can not be!

* * *

- Let's play in the zoo!
- Come on.But as?
- Very simple!I'll be a monkey, and you'll feed me bananas!

* * *

- You're so thin!It's a new diet?
- Yes, carrots, beets and potatoes.
- and what to do, I cooked or fried?
- dig!

* * *

Feast.The head of the family Vovochke:
- Son, give aunt Masha fork!
- Why?
- Have not you heard about the rules of etiquette?
- Dad, you yourself said yesterday that she eats like a horse ?!

* * *

Greeks, long before the crisis, loved to carry beautiful women to be eaten by the Minotaur.On the way, it is happening, that on arrival the woman demanded to continue the feast, champagne and the Minotaur.Minotaur crouch in a corner, c

rying and shouting:
- Yes, it's a maze, or thoroughfare ?!

* * *

- Oh, crumbled salt - it is to quarrel ...
- Or maybe will cost?
- No, dear.I'm in the mood!

* * *

- Hello!It is said from the hospital.Please let Ivanov that he was born triplets, girls.
- Oh, not now.He shaves!

* * *

The car includes pregnant.Places occupied.No one is inferior.She walks over to the boy.Slightly knocks his bag on the knee.He opens his eyes, she nodded with a stern view points on his stomach.The guy looks at her with horror:
- It was not me!I do not know you at all!

* * *

Blonde ask:
- How many letters are in the alphabet?
- Seven.
- Seven ?!What kind?
- "A, A, F, A, B, and T".Total - seven.

* * *

- 2130.The construction of the 28th transport MKAD ring which passes through Vladivostok, Murmansk and Astrakhan.Finally, it will relieve the main highways of the capital. * * *

- Honey, I'm pregnant!
- That's really from whom, from whom, and from you, I did not expect!

* * *

In store:
- Hello!Do you have a drawer for vegetables?
- TV or something?

* * *

Museum.Tourists:
- What beautiful frescoes!
Guides:
- Come on, it's the damp ...

* * *

- In a restaurant a man comes a fool, but it turns out clever?
- In school.
- And vice versa?
- The registrar ...

* * *

husband - wife:
- Did you wash my shirt?
- Why do not wash them yourself?
- Because the laundry - it is a woman's business.
- Yes?So, listen, I'll tell you: I am now - a feminist, and I believe that men and women are absolutely equal.And I want you to continue to treat me accordingly!
- Got it.Then come help me piano us to the fifth floor to drag.

* * *

- Listen, Rabinovich, why you are so yesterday shouted at his wife?
- She did not say where the money is spent.
- Well, well, why do you now shouting so?
- Today she told me ...

* * *

granddaughter Grandmother asks:
- What would you like to receive a gift for his birthday?
- Birth control pills - is responsible girl.
- Granddaughter, why do you?
- Grandma, well, you think: I had four dolls, which I still have a fifth?

* * *

- Lend 5 thousand rubles?
- I'm with you there.
- A Home?
- At home, all is well.Thank you.

* * *

- John - turned on the exam geography professor to student from Oklahoma - tell us what characteristic of drought in your state?
- When our rivers dry, the fish school, going upstream, raises clouds of dust.

* * *

Man comes to a psychiatrist and says:
- Doctor!I can see the future!
- And when you started?
- Next Thursday!

* * *

- My wife and I met in a disco ...
- How romantic!
- Yes, where much more romantic!I thought that she was sitting at home with the children.

* * *

- Who will work on the farm, Stepan?
- merchandisers.
- You want to say - do not.

* * *

Research Scientist, looking up from the microscope, sadly asks colleagues:
- Lord, no one knows the antonym to the word "eureka"?

* * *

the table two cut bread.One - the baker, the other - metal turner.Both blades bent.
Baker:
- Here are the knives do not otrezhesh and bread!
Turner:
- That bread is baked - a knife does not take!

* * *

- Are you married?
- Yes.
- your financial position ...
- You already asked.Married.

* * *

- I'm sorry, madam, but my feelings for you have already cooled down ...
- Warm up?

* * *

guy - girl:
- On the one hand you are very beautiful.
- And the other?
- On the other hand you face ...

* * *

- Girls, I yesterday in his bed coin found!
- It's nice ... Maybe somebody wants to come back.

* * *

Dr. patient:
- You have someone from good friends died?
- Yes.
- then good news for you - soon you will meet!

* * *

There are two friends:
- How many years, how many winters!How are you?
- Excellent!Married.Here is a photo of his wife!Well, how?
- I've had worse ...
- What ?!
- Oh, sorry, no worse!

* * *

- Bill, who you want to be when you grow up?
- Police.
- And you, John?
- a gangster, so we can play together again.

* * *

- There is something to drink?
- Water.
- A stronger?
- Ice.

* * *

in the automobile comes to a man:
- Do you have a plasma light bulb?
- No.
- A laser?
- either.
- A zenonovye?
- Excuse me, but you are, in fact, from what planet?

* * *

Two cats facing the cage with parrots:
- Chur, I take the red!- Says one.
- Why is that?- Instigorates other.
- Well, just more green unripe, I think ...

* * *

- Excuse me, do you go now?
- And you what's the matter?
- Like what ?!I am now going out!
- Who cares?