This is just an anecdote !

* * *

husband comes late wife yells at him from the doorway:

- Where have you been ?!

- colleagues from other cities in accommodation arranged.

- Well, as arranged?

- Yes.She said that it is much better than her husband.

* * *

The morning after the wedding.Husband catches his young wife in the kitchen in tears.

- What happened, dear?

- I was two o'clock cook the egg, and it is still hard!

* * *

friend asks:

- I wonder if your husband remember the date of your wedding?

- Fortunately, no.

- Why "fortunately"?

- I remind him about it a few times a year and each time I receive gifts.

* * *

women, especially married - there is very delicate, so talk to her it is necessary - only a whisper, return home - in the morning, so as not to disturb her fragile dream deafening roar in the hall, and in any casenot to offer a sip from the bottle of vodka warm, because the apartment is full of different-sized glasses ...

* * *

Odessa.On the balcony overlooking mom and shouts:

- Arkady!Home!

boy raises his head and shouts back:

- I froze?

- No!Would you like to eat!

* * *

Young wife says to her husband:

- Honey, I have to confess to you that I can only cook two dishes - porridge and stewed pears.

husband looked at the dish, standing in front of him, and asked:

- And it is from them?

* * *

optimist looks at the purse in which money is.The pessimist looks at the purse in which there is no money.The realist looks in her purse.

* * *

Dear, you can congratulate me.I traveled six times at a stoplight, and I was never fined!So, I added a little bit, and the money saved bought a lovely dress!

* * *

- I am, actually, kind woman.This morning, for example, one beggar gave $ 10.

- Wow!10 dollars!I wonder what your husband say to that?

- What could he say?Ten - not money, but thanks to, of course.

* * *

Two blondes talk in a train compartment:

- surprising all the same as a driver manages to always accurately enter the tunnel.I'm in the garage that can not always accurately enter.

- It's probably because he knows the way.

* * *

Dachshund - breed dogs of a certain size, roughly polsobaki high and the dog a half in length.

* * *

Leaves dentist's office, where the patient lay, and nervously walks from side to side, pulling the chin.He lit, but then threw a cigarette out the window.The nurse asked him:

- What happened?The complex case?

Dentist responds:

- hard - at the customer's money is complete, and all healthy teeth ...

* * *

in the station restaurant man with glazed eyes stared at the empty carafe.The waiter helpfully asks:

- Well, even pollitrovochku?

- Do not have time: I train two hundred.

* * *

At the hospital, on the bed, lay people, all crocked bandages and dictated a letter:

- Dear Mr. Editor!I hasten to inform you that your tutorial on the jumps on the fifth page is a typo!

* * *

Morning January 1, phone call:

- Hello!

- And you hello, my good man ...

* * *

two on a desert island.A:

- Look!Ship!Hooray!We are saved!

second thoughtfully reads the name of the ship: "Ti-ta-nick" ...

* * *

the train:

- One magazine on which you sit, you do not accidentally read?

* * *

buyer at the store "Funeral Services" examines the coffins.

- Do you think a coffin better?

- It's hard to say - the seller is responsible, - Zinc durable, but wooden healthier.

* * *

- Still the best SUVs do it in Russian!

- Yeah.Only for some reason on crawlers and with a gun ...

* * *

The young couple did not have children for a long time.They were advised to go to Rome, at St. Peter's to light a candle.A few years later the man who gave advice to spouses, accidentally fell into the town where they lived, and decided to visit them.On the threshold of his house I met crowd of kids smaller than the other.

- Where's your mom?- I asked the counselor.

- She's in the hospital.

- Papa?

- A dad went to Rome to blow out some damn candle!

* * *

Do you want to contribute to society?Do you want a girl ran to meet you, and sometimes you?You want to be waiting at any time, in any weather?Motor Transport Company invites you to the work of bus drivers!

* * *

In the maternity ward nurse asks a colleague:

- These are four of the twins, who were born today, yelling so loudly?

- No, it's their father.

* * *

In programmer ill wife - a bad cold.Calls her friend:

- Dima, how Helen feels?

- a good image.Sound only unimportant ...

* * *

- My daughter, I think you're getting married without thinking.

- Mom, but you said yourself that I was still too early to think about marriage!

* * *

- What is the temperature today?

- sixteen degrees in the shade.

- And in the sun?

- Six million ...

* * *

- In the news promised 30 degrees Celsius at the weekend.

- Do not be!

- Maybe, maybe 15 on Saturday and 15 on Sunday!

* * *

- Little Johnny, you're someone you love more: brother or a little sister?

- the little sister!It is my diary thrown in the garbage disposal!

* * *

- Honey, what do you say we play a wedding at Christmas?

- Ah, leave, please!Is it worth it to spoil the holiday!

* * *

- Do you share my opinion, my dear?

- Yes, dear.I agree with him and, and, in two parts.First, I reject completely, and the second I strongly disagree.

* * *

- Married?

- she married.

- How's the wife?

- Guys praised.

* * *

- It is true that you stole his bride?

- Of course.

- And you anyone help?

- Of course.Her parents.