Lose Weight Together !( Jokes , jokes , jokes )

* * * quit smoking - recovered on 3 kgs.I start smoking again - she lost 3 kilos, quit smoking again - again, plus 3 kg, once lit - minus 3 kg.Tell me, doctor, that's fine during the day?

* * *

Ha beach talking two friends:
- What's the matter, are you so thin?
- I am suffering, I change my husband ...
- So divorce!
- While I can not.I want to lose five kilos.

* * *

- today called the wife of Kislovodsk.He says that due to the holiday mode, she has lost weight by half a kilogram.
- It's wonderful!
- Great !!?With its total weight to lose half a kilogram, is how to get a discount of five dollars with the "Mercedes" of value ...

* * *

Thick patient at the doctor.Doctor:
- Diet pills drink?

patient:
- Pugh.
- How much?
- How much ... Until naemsya!

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- Doctor, your apple diet to lose weight does not help me!
- Did you wash your apples?
- Yes.
- Try not to wash.

* * *

losing weight on three diets.According to one not to load.

* * *

Calories - these are small dirty d

og, who come at night and sutured your clothes.

* * *

girl how much you weigh?Well, tell me at least the first three digits.

* * *

- Worried that fullness?
- Of course!If I had not experienced, I would have been even thicker!

* * *

very stout lady calls the company for weight loss:
- Tell me, does your company ensure a significant weight loss in the short term?
- Oh, yes, ma'am ...
- The fact that my husband did a wonderful gift for my birthday, but I can not get into it ...
- Madam, we promise that after 2 months you can freely wearYour new dress ...
- what does the dress ?!My husband gave me a car!

* * *

wife gets on the scales.Husband grins, looking at the arrow:
- You know what you should be growing to meet your weight?
- Well, what?
- Five and a half meters!

* * *

- Masha, what is now fashionable diet for weight loss?
- Very simple, Lena, 40 pills "Tick-Tock" for breakfast, 50 for lunch and 60 for dinner.Weight is constant, breath fresh.However, weak.

* * *

- Doctor, I can not stand this diet.Can you imagine, yesterday I was almost bitten off her husband's ear.
- It's okay.As can be undershot.Just think, only forty calories.

* * *

Brain cells are born and die, but fat cells live forever.

* * *

lady sitting on the diet, passing by the refrigerator, it calls itself: - "Come on, if I have the strength of will?Of course there is! "And the lady surely moving away from the refrigerator.Ten minutes later, again with satisfaction confirms: - "I have a willpower!I done! "- And goes back to the refrigerator.

* * *

great Russian actress Faina Ranevskaya (fat lady), when she burst skirt in plain view, said: - "Even the skirt did not survive the onslaught of beauty."Then he added: - "There is no fat women - is only tight clothing!»

* * *

There are two friends.One complains:
- I put on weight!I always want to eat, I can not stop.

Other answers:
- And you try to go on a diet today - a cabbage leaf, tomorrow - a cabbage leaf, the day after tomorrow - too.Soon there will not want to.

encountered girlfriend after a month.
- I see you lost weight!My advice to use it?
- Yeah ...
- Well, then, have you really no longer want?
- there would not be desirable.Live - too.

* * *

- What is the best way to lose weight?
- Do not have an empty stomach!

* * *

Tramp comes to a woman dressed up, and says:
- I'm sorry, madam, but I have not eaten for six days!
- Oh, my God, - she sighs with envy.
- I have your willpower.

* * *

- How much thinner in recent years your wife!
- This is it owes a clever Chinese diet: a month to eat one chicken broth with the help of Chinese chopsticks.

* * *

example of a typical diet: three times to look at the bread - breakfast, listen to the ballad about the pizza - dinner, smell grilled chicken - dinner.

* * *

doctor says to a patient suffering from obesity:
- You can eat whatever you want!And here's a list of what you should want.

* * *

woman comes to the pharmacy:
- Do you have a cheap and effective way to lose weight?
- There.Patch.
- For a place to glue?
- On the mouth.

* * *

- I'm losing weight.
- a long time?
- Almost half an hour.
- already noticeable.
- Really?
- Yeah.Hungry eyes.

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best diet for obesity: - "If you are what you eat, delicious - spit out immediately!»

***

husband tells his wife:
- Honey, we now go to thetheater.
- The Big?
- Do not worry, you have enough space ...