" Laugh together! "

* * *

blonde drove past the farm and asked the farmer:
- Tell me why here at this cow no horns?
- Well, herd cattle can cause great damage to its horns.Therefore, we do Cut down - he says.
- And there are breeds that have already been withdrawn hornless.But this is not a cow horns mainly because it is - a horse.

* * *

- Mom, the computer as a child was with you?
- No.
- A DVD?
- No!
- A cell phone?
- No.
- Mom, you see the dinosaurs?

* * *

past the mansion are two men.One another:
- Bob, how much would you give for this house?
Second:
- ten years!

* * *

- I am very sorry, but you thread ...
- This swimsuit!

* * *

- We have two problems at the enterprise ...
- fools and roads?
- No!Weak management and poor transport situation.

* * *

- I always answer for his words, - said proudly Valera.
- We are used to - the trauma center he was told by doctors.

* * *

inspection in the Odessa market:
- Do you have documents on this fish?
- A sho do you want?Death certificate?

* * *

The buffet:
- The girl that you can drink?
- Tea.
- A stronger?
- Coffee.
- And even stronger?
- Well ... I can mix the coffee and tea.

* * *

The zoo guide:
- Now look to the left you see a female gorilla, and the right of the male gorilla.
Visitors:
- Well, it's clear to us!And where is she a gorilla?

* * *

The museum at the huge picture in the wall is admired man.The second visitor asks him:
- What thoughts you have is a grand canvas?
- Why, I think, probably two buckets of paint went on the matter!

* * *

- Vasya, do not forget to buy milk!
- Okay, honey.
- Milk!No port yesterday, and milk, remember?
- Well, of course, remember!
- Not Cahors as the time before time, do you understand?
- Yes, I understand, I realized ...
After an hour in the store:
- What she said take - port or Cahors?Yes, I will not speculate, I will take both of them.

* * *

In court:
- What are the cause of divorce!
- We did not coincide religious views ...
- What is it?
- It does not recognize that I am God!

* * *

husband - wife:
- Darling, are you blocked our computer?
- Yes.
- And what is the password?
- date of our wedding.
- That damn ...

* * *

the bus one man for a long time considering the other, and finally said:
- I think you are very similar to those of Jesus Christ.
- you do not notice it first.When I got into the bus, I said, "Lord, well, where are you prёsh!"

* * *

guy leads the girl to her house.Fumbles on refrigerator shelves:
- You will drink juice?
- Yes, but what?
- Uh ... Wheat!

* * *

morning a nurse comes into the room.One of the patients she says:
- Oh, today you got up on the wrong side of the bed!
- What makes you think?
- And you on your feet surgeon slippers.

* * *

patient complains of insomnia:
- Tonight, for example, woke up 12 times and never after that did not fall asleep!

* * *

Goes guy in the elevator of a skyscraper, to go bored ... A man asks lifter:
- Perhaps you have a very hard work?
- Yes, sir.
- And what is the most difficult in your work, probably, ups?
- No, sir.
- Well, then, perhaps, hills?
- No, sir.
- Well, what then?
- Questions sir.Extremely stupid questions.

* * *

- Sveta, hello!You're doing that evening?
- Lech, I'm free.What do you suggest?I agree.

* * *

nearly empty subway car.The voice of the driver:
- of course!Free, please cars.
Drunk wakes up and shouts:
- Cars!You are free!