" Anecdotes in the evening "

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father asks the son:
- Hy, how success in school?
- Excellent!The contract with the fifth class extended for another year!

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- Since you started working my servant, lost silver spoons, missing my cosmetics, products from the refrigerator disappear!I think it's time to show you the door!
- A door-to me why ?!

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- Mom and Dad why so little hair on his head?
- He's smart!
- And why do you have so many?
- shut your mouth and eat!

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- Estimate, this moron not to wash dishes, puts them on a plastic bag before eating, then removed and discarded in the trash, and all!And it is not necessary to wash the dish ...
- Listen, he's a genius ...

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- Girl!When I see your smile, I'd love to meet with you ... Oh, do not fret, nothing personal!I am a dentist.

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Lesson religious school:
- Little Johnny, tell me, who was the first person in the world?
- Adam.
- And what a terrible disaster sent him god?
- Eve.

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daughter, just married, the mother calls:
- Mom, what are you doing with a dinner, which is not like the Pope?
- I leave it to the dinner!

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- Tell me, in this castle is haunted?
- what they all say!But I'm no ghost, unfortunately, I have not seen!While living here - neither more nor less than eight years!

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doctor tells the patient:
- For drinking and smoking you pay your health!
- If only health, doctor!You can not imagine what it's worth the money!

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husband decided to wash their belongings.Povertevshis near the washing machine, he shouted:
- Honey, you need to install a regime?
- Look, what is written on your shirt, - said the wife.
- "Spartacus - the champion!"

* * *

- You know, I like seeing something funny, so laughing till you drop!
- Wait, how do you then shave ..

* * *

-? Wow!What's your lovely rose in the buttonhole!
- This is not a rose, and chrysanthemum.
- Chrysanthemum?And as it is written?
- Uh ... well ... uh ... You're probably right, it is a rose.

* * *

Husband Friday goes to work, his wife:
- Here again, come home drunk, late!
- What are you!I will come early - you're still going to sleep!

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flying aircraft.From the cockpit the pilot goes out with a parachute behind him, and with a sad kind of goes through the cabin.Passengers anxiously ask:
- What happened?
He answered only sighs.It comes to the tail and opens the hatch.Last passenger asks:
- What happened something ?!
pilot, sad:
- Oh ... problems at work ...

* * *

- Honey!Where is my towel?
- Take on the mop!

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guy sitting in a theater in the seventh row of the orchestra.He's a dirty jacket, shirt torn, disheveled hair.Ticket collector coming to him and says:
- Show your ticket.
He hands her a ticket.
- How did you get here?You have the same ticket on the balcony!
- I fell!

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guide, conducts a tour of the ruins of an ancient architectural monument:
- Note - says the guide - the tower built more than three thousand years ago!
- Do not be silly - grins one tripper - because now only the year 2012!

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There are two old school friends after 40 years.Walks into a bar, talking.Long lasting conversation, one of them lit a cigarette, and another asked him:
- Yes, you still smoke!
- Yes.
- Same Marlboro!
- Yes.
- 40 years have passed ... Now, if you do not smoke, you would imagine has already bought a house!
- Do you smoke?
- No.
- And you have a house?
- No.

* * *

talk to two friends:
- You know, I think we have in the fridge someone lives.
- Why do you think so?
- Yes wife every evening there is a meal.

* * *

In court:
- Citizen judge, he says, that all happened in ecstasy.I do remember that it was in the barn.