" Jokes , jokes ... ! "

* * *

Go husband and wife cursing:
- Honey, go to the right side!And then I left tired to beat you.

* * *

- Honey, a delicious jelly you are prepared!
- This is not a jelly is jelly!
- Yes?Then quickly prepare jelly, I'm terribly intrigued!

* * *

From the conversation between two blondes:
- Oh, look, already 9 pm and so light!
- We have in store!

* * *

Woman in wedding office explains the requirements for her husband:
- He should love nature, telling me funny stories, news.And do not interrupt me.
- Madame!Then you need a TV!

* * *

in the compartment two passengers.One can not withstand a long silence, he offers:
- Maybe meet?I - Petrov.
- I - no.

* * *

- Tell me how to connect a laptop to your TV wirelessly with the help of the equipment to watch movies?
- Scotch ... Right in the center of the screen.

* * *

- I married a second time and the second time unhappy in his marriage.
- Why?
- first wife left me.
- And the second?
- Did not want to leave ...

* * *

blonde girlfriend asks:
- Why sad?
- The embassy did not take love for the visa.
- Why?
- in the "Do not fill" At the end of the column, I wrote, "Okay."

* * *

wife sees her husband in the bathroom, standing on the scale and carefully retracting the stomach:
- Honey, do you think it will help?
- Of course!And as I otherwise see numbers?

* * *

old man comes to the witch and asked to take off his terrible curse, which is already 40 years old.Warlock:
- And what kind of curse?
- "I now pronounce you husband and wife!"

* * *

restaurant:
- I ordered you a lemon meat, but where is the meat?
- Have you looked under a lemon?

* * *

On reception at the doctor:
- patients, gallbladder stones at you in the urine - sand in the lungs - lime ...
- Doctor, tell me where my wallpaper and II begin to repair!

* * *

- Give me a kiss as a sign of truce!
- And where did you get it?

* * *

met two friends:
- How do you thin!- Exclaims one.
- Husband I change, I suffer, I suffer so ...
- Well, divorce him!
- I can not, I need to lose another 3 kg.

* * *

- you come to my wedding?
- Yes, why not.
- Excellent!With fiance issue has been resolved.