"Jokes aside"

* * *

teacher:
- We took out the leaves.Will dictation.
Sidorov:
- I forgot to handle at home.
teacher, intending to throw him her:
- Sidorov, when I'm going to throw you to handle, you have to be ready to catch it, and not to talk with Petrov.Otherwise, a soldier of you will fail.
Petrov:
- Why?Now all the army raking.Teacher:
- No, do not take the one-eyed.

* * *

- Tell me, these carp live?
- Yes, of course, they also float!
- But they are fresh?

* * *

Dies Pope Carlo, on his deathbed Karabas-Barabas he inquires:
- Tell me the secret of death, man, how you could manage a wooden doll without laces?Papa Carlo, with the last breath:
- wi-fi ...

* * *

- Honey, I have a rabbit in the oven.Follow him, and I jumped out of the vegetables.
returned half an hour later:
- Well, how are you, dear?
- All right.Rabbit from the oven did not come out!

* * *

- I sentence you to a fine of 5000 rubles for insulting a public servant.Would you like to say something to this accused?
- Actually, I would like to!But at these prices ...

* * *

- Dad, where do we go so late?
- We're going to do a good deed.The car park cars per day are tired, want to sleep and undressed them nobody ...

* * *

My grandfather watching videos such a stern look that girls begin to hide behind.

* * *

conversation between two friends on the phone:
- Well, I have a hangover.Yesterday, I drank so much that he did not remember how left you.Probably the last bottle was unnecessary.
- In any last bottle was unnecessary!You, by the way, now come to me.
- Why?
- Like what?Bring my cat, and at the same time his cap zaberesh ...

* * *

omen., "If you are in the evening has washed a pair of socks and put out to dry on the battery, tomorrow is an important day ... And if you wash a pair of socks and a hairdryer sushish them, it is an important day today┬╗

* * *

woman tells her friend:
- Yesterday enter the porch, and there - a maniac!
- Oh, how awful.
- That's it!And he said so!And run away ...

* * *

At a meeting in the office.Chef:
- We work in the office more than 50 people!
- And who is overweight?
- And now we'll decide!

* * *

- Tell me, how I have gone mad is your wife?
- We traveled in the mountains where a great echo.But his wife was accustomed to the last word has always been her.

* * *

young man during the interview when applying for a job.After questions about education, work experience, etc.should be the question:
- And how are you with alcohol?Secondary?
The guy thinks for a long time, and finally answers:
- Pugh, but with disgust!

* * *

- Look, - said the chief officer, - you say that you have five years of work, but in fact it turns out that you never worked!
- Did not you say that you need employees with imagination?

* * *

- Doctor, is it true that alcoholism is an illness - rather than a bad habit?
- Yes.What do you want?
- 200 grams, and a hospital.

* * *

met two students.One asks:
- Where are you in a hurry?
- On exam.
- And on what subject the exam?
- And there will say.

* * *

If hard work 8 hours a day, you can go to the bosses and work 12 hours a day.