We laugh together?

* * *

If a man is willing to do anything for a woman, it means that he loves her.If a woman is ready to do anything for the man, then she gave birth to him.

* * *

If you think you have reached the tops of etiquette, try to eat a cup of sunflower seeds with a knife and fork.

* * *

Blonde in car-care center:
- Excuse me, but you could not adjust the signal louder?
- Why?
- And my brakes do not work.

* * *

Handwriting chief seems simple calligraphic when he writes you a prize.

* * *

wife got up at three o'clock in the morning.Broke spinning and two rods.Cut with scissors rubber boots.Poured into the toilet two bottles of vodka.Trampled and tossed in the trash carton of cigarettes.And then quietly sat down on the edge of the sofa and waited.She could not live more than an hour.

* * *

In terms of monetization of benefits and lack of medicines the best method of treatment - Urinotherapy!The medicine you write themselves!

* * *

- Mom, we have today in the school disco.Can I w

ear your diamond necklace?
- No, you can not!
- Why?Necklace presented on New Year's - and can not be, "Ferrari" presented on 8 March - is also impossible, standing under a tarpaulin, mink coats have presented three pieces - and also impossible.When it's all you can be?
- When Dad retired will be possible, as long as it simple traffic cop - it is impossible.

* * *

When you see the "Oka", somehow instinctively start to look for the remote radio control.

* * *

- You brush your teeth properly!We should not left to right and from top to bottom!
- And not one of whether the figure for a tooth ?!

* * *

wife tells her husband:
- Today I have in the store did not have enough money to buy, so I walked into your office and because you were not there, took from his pocket five thousand.
- Nothing, dear, because I'm already a month working in another organization.

* * *

husband and resentment in his voice accuses his wife:
- Do you think more about their dresses than me!
- of course, without you I can show anywhere, and there is no dress.

* * *

Two blondes crossword puzzles.
- You do not know how to - Iraq or Iran?
- Yes, and so, and say so.

* * *

addressed the man to the police:
- I lost a wife.
- Let's look.Give a description of his wife.The man thought for a moment.
- On one condition: when it is there, you do not show her description!

* * *

phrase "for his work!" Is most happy when she was toast.

* * *

Earlier men at the meeting Hats off ... And now pulled out of the ear earphone.

* * *

Twice a year, 8 March and 1 September, in Russia celebrate their professional holiday - Day Flower speculator.

* * *

- you meet with my daughter for a year.Why have you not made her an offer?
- I'm afraid.
- What?
- What if she agrees?

* * *

There are two gentlemen.
- Sir, were you on Thursday at the theater?
He takes out a notebook and looking at it:
- Yes, there was ...
- Sir, you've been there with my wife?He looks in the book:
- Yes, it ...
- Sir, I do not like!He looks back to the book:
- I also did not like.

* * *

guy passes the exam for a driver's license.The inspector asked:
- Who will get under way with the first crossroads: ZIL or motorcycle?
- minibus!
- So it is not!
- will drive now.

* * *

wife says to her husband from the kitchen:
- Dear, bring the trash.
- What, I can not hear?She loudly:
- Dear, bring the trash.
- What, I hear nothing ?!
- issued a waste !!!
- Yes, hush!I can not hear the TV!

* * *

- I do not know, dear, what are you unhappy?Every morning I feed you coffee in bed, and ... you can only grind and brew

* * *

tip: never eat the last cutlet in a pan: one does not cutlet naeshsya and an empty pan is necessary to wash.

* * *

son quarrels with parents:
- I'm sick of constantly be with you, always be on time!I want freedom, romance, beer, girls!I'm leaving, and do not try to stop me!
Son decisively goes towards the exit.At the door of his father catches.
- Dad, I said, do not try to stop me!
- I do not stop, son.I'm with you!

* * *

Plumber, finished repairing the crane, said owner-old woman:
- Well, all grannies, with your bottle.
- My dear, you can better take the money?
- No, Grandma, I can not be money - propyl.

* * *

Two men sitting in a bar.One says:
- My wife is a fool.The complete idiot.
- What it does not earn much?
- No, two times more than I do.
- And what is bad is preparing?
- Normally ready.No worse than in the restaurant.
- machine, whether that bad leads?
- I have no rights at all.Behind the wheel of it only.
- Well then, low intelligence?
- It - PhD.
- So what, I do not understand ?!
- have you seen how I did yesterday in the "sea battle" beat !!!

* * *

husband - a friend, with a sigh:
- Actually, my missus - woman laconic.The trouble is that her few words she uses almost continuously.

* * *

Forest.Spouses are mushrooming.My wife found a large white mushroom and asks:
- Honey, it's edible fungus?
- While you were out of it nothing prepared - yes!

* * *

After a couple of decades, real men run out.The whole world will be filled with cheap Chinese fakes.

* * *

- Son, you will learn, and buy you a computer.
- And if I do poorly in school?
- Then buy a piano.

* * *

sit in the jungle two mouse and suddenly heard a cry of Tarzan.One other mouse:
- Again, he scares the animals.Second:
- No, he was all scared for a long time, perhaps again miscalculated the length and height of the vine cactus.

* * *

There lived Ivan Tsarevich, he had a Frog Princess.In the evening it was a hand-written beauty, and again this morning turned into a green ugly creature.And there is no miracle here was not just the evening Ivan Tsarevich terribly drunk!

* * *

drunken husband came home.Wife:
- You promised me yesterday that tomorrow will be a different person!
- Yes, I promise!And there was!But it turned out that the other also likes to drink ...

* * *

- Who is the diplomat?
- man, able to convince his wife that luxury mink coat her look fat.

* * *

- Honey, I think we ought to have a baby ...
- This is why?
- Well, somebody has to take out the garbage!

* * *

- girl Leave me alone!I do not need a perfect wife!And anyway, I no not an oligarch, I - have allergies!