And jokes

* * *

teacher scolds Vovochku:

- Do you only know how to count to ten?I'll never know just what you think you become ...

- Judge boxing!

* * *

phone rings, the servant goes off-hook

- Tom!

- Yes, sir.

- It is I, your master, you know me?

- Yes, sir.

- Tom, where's my wife?

- about sir, she just went with you in the bedroom !!!

- Tom, I'm calling you?

- Yes, sir.

- So she went into the bedroom is not with me.Tom, do you know where my

big guns?

- Yes, sir.

- Take and kill them both.

There have three shots ....

- Tom, why was 3 shots?

- The first shot I killed her, I have a second shot wounded him, he jumped into the garden and the third shot I struck him.

- Tom, but we do not have a garden !!!!

- Sir!and where you call ??

* * *

Honey, I'm shocked!You are now chatting with a girlfriend in just 20 minutes ...

- Yes, wait for you, I dialed the wrong number!

* * *

doctor comes to the patient's bedside and examines him.After inspecting the patient asks:

- Doctor, I want to hear the truth from you, no matter how bitter it may be, tell right: soon to work for me?

* * *

- Captain!Hole!

- Where?

- On the left side, below the waterline.

- And then nothing, there unnoticed.

* * *

- Why are you so gloomy?

- Why, I just saw on the subway a cool chick!I winked at her ...

- And she ?!

- And she gave me a place ..

* * *

-! Men - the mouse.Separately look - cute, small animal moving, and in the house zavedet - just want to poison.

* * *

- Professor, believe me, I am ready to do everything in order to pass this exam?I mean everything!

Professor clarifies:

- really all?

She leans shows breasts cleavage, the professor looks into his eyes and exhales wearily:

- EVERYTHING!

Professor asked in a whisper:

- Really and will learn?

* * *

- Lord, make, please, fool me!

- Why would you?You and so like men.

- I want to and I liked them.

* * *

main indicator of the difference between the inner worlds of men and women is their attitude to gender issues - where the woman washes the floor, she believes that the floor will be cleaner, and when a man washes the floor, he believes that sex when-a finish.

* * *

- Daddy, why candy wrapper rustling?

- To all the house heard the mother lose weight.

* * *

- How could I ruin my wife's birthday, if I do not even remember when he ??

* * *

husband Memo: If a woman does not change wardrobe, changing its character.

* * *

- My wife finally learned to cook.Now it's up to me: I had to learn it all.

* * *

guy comes to the recruitment office and says:

- I want to serve in the Navy.

- But at least you know how to swim, then?

- And what, you have no ships?

* * *

the pharmacy:

- You have activated charcoal?

- We only inactivated.But you can send an SMS to a short number.In response comes the activation code.

* * *

The patient came to the doctor.

- Doctor, I have hemorrhoids.

- In what place?

* * *

- When I was young, - said a famous doctor - I wanted to become an artist.

- Why did you change your mind and choose medicine?

- In painting, - said the doctor - all mistakes visible.A medical

buried together with the patients.

* * *

doctor asks the patient:

- Tell me, you are cheating your wife?

- Well, of course.And who else ?!