Merry Christmas

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Christmas - this is when the father tries to convince his children that he is Santa Claus, and his wife - that he is not Santa Claus.

(American proverb)

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- Mom, you will receive from the Pope on Christmas fur coat?

- I'm afraid not.

- Have you already tried to fall on the floor and pull your feet?

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husband tells his wife:

- In the morning I had a fantastic sleep.

- What are you so surprised?

- I dreamed that I bought you for Christmas a modest gift, and you tell him happy.

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- You know the tale of the three little pigs?

- Yes!Once upon a time there were two little pigs ...

- And where is the third?

- A Christmas?

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memo company producing greeting cards "Christmas greeting cards is to give on Christmas Eve."

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But I've been wondering: Why Christmas - two, and baptism - one ...

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poor old lady sent a letter to God: "Dear God, send me a hundred crownsbuy food for Christmas. "Postmaster sent a letter to the Minister of Finance.He

felt sorry for the old woman, put in an envelope and sent fifty crowns otpravitelnitse.The following year, the old woman again sent a letter before Christmas: "Dear dear God, thank you for the money, but I beg you, do not send me over transfers through the Minister of Finance.Last year, he robbed me of fifty crowns. "

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husband comes home and tells his wife with delight: "At this time, the boss is not got off with empty promises.He said that as soon as the Christmas and Easter will fall on the same day - it will increase my salary. "

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And was the night before Christmas to the boy angel.And the angel said:

- Good I am today, a young man, and so fulfill your desire one.Choose.What do you want?Wealth, which has no equal, no one from the living?Wisdom, with nothing comparable?Or a love that lights stars and hearts of poets?

and thoughtful young man chose wisdom.He performed angel desire.And he asked:

- Well, what do you think now about the wise?

And said to the wise:

- to take money should have been!

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+10 C: Americans shake.Russian plant cucumbers in the garden.

+1.6 C: The Italians do not start the car.Russian ride with the windows.

0 C: In America, the water freezes.In Russia, the water thickens.

- 17.9 C: In New York landlords turn on the heaters.Russian last season go on picnics.

- 42 C: In Europe, transport is not functioning.Russian eating ice cream on the street.- 73 C: Finnish special forces evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland.Russian fur cap worn.

- 114 C: Freezes ethanol.In Russian bad mood.

- 273 C: Absolute zero, atomic movement stops.Russian swear: "It's cold, blah!»

- 295 C: Catholics in hell freeze hell.Russian soccer team becomes the world champion.

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- In Russia, the most extreme month - January!New Year, Christmas, Old New Year ...

- Why us old New Year's Eve?

- This control shot to the liver!

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- Why do programmers always confuse Christmas with Halloween?

- Because DEC 25 - is the same as that of OCT 31.

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5 Nativity laws:

1. Gifts are divided into two categories: those that you do not like,and those whom you do not get.

2. Christmas - a time when half of the gift does not come in the mail, and others.Hmm, it would be better not reached them.

3. Christmas was a holiday of peace and good until someone came up to give gifts.

4. Preparation, greetings, overeating, indigestion.

5. Gifts should be purchased at the last minute to avoid a stampede among people who have decided to buy gifts in advance to avoid the crush.

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- How to find out the name of the girl narrowed her?

- Wake up in the Christmas night at three o'clock and see his passport.

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evening before Christmas, the couple covered in bags, bags and bags hurries home.Under the wall lying soused man.Wife dissatisfied grumbles: "All normal people already walk, and we have all eternity at the last minute ...»

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There are two friends.One asks the other:

- How to celebrate Christmas?It was fun?

- I do not know the film has not yet been exhibited.

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came somehow to hobbityatam Christmas grandfather Gandalf.Songs were sung, dances were taken.Then my grandfather and said:

- Herringbone, light!

A Christmas tree does not light.He again:

- Herringbone, light!To no avail.So my grandfather got angry and ordered:

- Naur annas adriat ammine!

Fire extinguished only in the morning ...

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- What you gave to her husband for Christmas?

- Blue hole.

- And he do?

- Fishing ...

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first year of ad-festive Christmas holiday.Matfak BSU.Announcement: "In connection with the celebration of the Nativity examination on scientific atheism moved from 7 to 8 January."

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- Dear, soon Christmas ... Do not go if we see anything out of the bellows?

- Great idea!Only need to hurry, as soon the zoo closes.

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For some reason, no one has ever thought, and who gives presents to Santa Claus?