Quarrel by the rules

quarrels and conflicts - the scourge of family well-being.How to cope with them?Perhaps, after a quarrel, resentment subsided when you yourself have repeatedly asked this question.

Family quarrels in many guises.There are light as spring thunderstorm there came, rustled and subsided.About such an argument saying: "Lovely curse - just amuse."Often they break out of a bad mood, because somewhere hurt badly enough sleep.

In this quarrel the couple get to know each other, often from an unexpected quarter.For the development of relations, paradoxically, they can even be useful.Brawl game - something like a home theater, the shortest way to speak out and remove emotional tension, to make some claim.

example, inflamed his wife: "Once your trousers lying on the couch when I will finally bring up?" It can be in response to "bristle", but her husband peacefully purrs: "I intractable ..." My wife already goes out: "You're just stubbornass, no patience for you there. "My husband laughs, hugging his wife: "And th

e donkeys harnessed only skillfully."And yet, the spark goes out, highlighting some irregularities of life.

If there is no sense of humor, and you can keep quiet, let partner favors.And then, to make contact, to apologize, to caress frustrated, laugh a little "war" on them.In short, not to aggravate the trinkets to the limit, beyond which all seriously.

It is a mistake to conceive analysis wife claims to find out the extent of their guilt.It often quarrel game has a very different purpose: to partner nagging complaints and trying to draw attention to themselves.His words sounded something like: "Look, I have something to do here.I am!You and I have not chatted in a friendly manner.Pay attention to me! ยป

But quarrels, alas, there are also serious.They are more suitable military designations: conflict, confrontation, battle, war, war ... There is no place for saving humor.Opponents are stocking their "armies" as part of the children, relatives or friends.They are looking for an arbitrator, which would have justified and reasoned.Pine with vengeful thoughts, thirst for revenge, are the secret account of the injury.

crack in the relationship after such quarrels is a long time, it hurts like a wound unhealed.The house settles war - implicit or explicit, hot or cold, but always exhausting.Lost in this quarrel is impossible not because of vanity, but because the causes of quarrels, fights serious drunkenness, infidelity, brutality and cruelty, indifference to family and children, bad habits, irresponsible attitude to the duties of the family, etc.

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Such conflict becomes chronic, stretches like a black thread axial relationship within the family.Chronic conflict weakens the moral and physical health of the family.It is important to be able to heal him.Do not give up, do not suffer habitually obediently, and root out the causes of family salvation.This operation should be carried out in compliance with certain rules, which perform just as necessary as the safety at hazardous production.

first rule .It is necessary to establish the true cause of conflict.Not so easy to do it!The reason is usually expressed, but it is not always heard and understood correctly.It is usually cluttered with irrelevant complaints and nagging, which have not seen the main thing, the true root of the conflict.

necessary to begin by finding out: who and what displeased.Unhappy with the spouse - the initiator of the conflict.This is not the aggressor, who encroaches upon the world of the family.This is - a person suffers, it is bad, it claims - a cry for help!And just so it is necessary to regard the behavior of the initiator of the conflict.Next - to listen to it carefully and kindly, not interrupting and not waving.

But the initiator must remember that the claim should consider, articulate, and then openly, clearly state the spouse.A rain of vague hints quibbles without serious reason and evidence, old grudges confuses the accused.For it is only clear that in general all bad, out of this impasse is not ...

second rule .In a dispute it is necessary to hold substantive differences, not shy away from the topic, do not try to figure out everything at once painful problems.Chronic disagreements and treatment require long, patient.It is better to discuss in detail the sickest point relationship, thoroughly understand the point of view of each set, not ridiculing and rejecting her as someone who is thinking about the causes of quarrel.

third rule .The conflict must be a business discussion, rather than a way to insult, humiliate and hurt each other.The couple must be mindful of the far goal conflict: peace in the family.Not about his victory in the battle, and to normalize relations.It is therefore unacceptable personal insults, indicate partner disadvantages.It is necessary to discuss his behavior, error behavior, not personal character flaws.

also not be drawn into the conflict of third parties: children, relatives and friends.Third person unwittingly takes someone's side, breaking the balance of power and interests of the partners.Especially avoid involvement in the conflict children: a child is very hard to be a peacemaker or a shield, it was he who suffers the most in the "war" of parents.

Of course, you should avoid high emotional background of the quarrel.The calmer, more restrained behave partners, the less irritation, the easier it is to negotiate.

fourth rule - the most important thing: to find a compromise.The conflict therefore arises that the spouses have different opinions and do not want to change them, to give partner.Agree, they say, can not abide, it means to sacrifice their own interests.That's because of this confrontation a conflict of interest does not go out ... And yet, it is necessary to find a compromise, at least in part to give way - to accept and fulfill the requirements of the spouse.And the initiator of the conflict, not to insist on the maximum performance of their claims, content with part.

The ability to compromise and psychological maturity is manifested man.In family relationships, as well as any human relationship, frank selfishness, stubbornness, intransigence only lead to discord, and even the disintegration of the family.

As you can see, the rules of conflict are simple and quite feasible.It is important that both partners were used, considered as a deviation from the rules "forbidden" and therefore unworthy reception.Let's quarrel, chivalrous if so it happens according to the rules!