Come on in derision ?

Say, an absurd proposition?Who willingly will offer it?We agree, almost no one.And very much in vain.As psychologists say, the quarrel can be a real catalyst for the showdown and the starting point of a new path pairs.And that's really apart or together to pass this way - you decide.But you first have to learn how to quarrel ...

Very useful conflict

So, the quarrel may be useful.It remains to understand what is it worth.It turns out they are not so little.Firstly, it is a sure way to find out what your partner is thinking really is.At the time of the quarrel men (and women, too) let their emotions and speak more often about exactly what they are really concerned about.The main thing, at least for some time to persuade myself to shut up and do not make excuses, give an opportunity to voice their feelings differently.You can learn a lot of interesting!

Often it turns out that what was the reason to quarrel, it is not the true reason.For example, quarrel, find out who pick up the child from the gard

en, and, in fact, both are unhappy with the quality of their sex life.Or quarrel because of a trip to the country over the weekend and would like to talk about the fact that not enough money in the budget.And if it turns out during an argument the true reason for her - it's great, because there is a chance to eliminate the contradictions that led to a quarrel.Such arguments often come in 10-15% of those conflicts, which psychologists call useful.

But even if you can not talk constructively, but instead you toss utensils, shouting at each other, and in a rage smash the room, it can also be useful.The fact that such a quarrel - a great way to defuse the atmospheric electricity, which accumulated for weeks, if not months.No wonder many married scene ends with tears not only reconciliation, but also quite convincing sex.

And it is natural.According to the trainer of Kundalini Yoga and psychologist Roman Maslennikov, a quarrel may be an instrument of purification of the body from unexpressed emotions.He believes that the quarrel - the process of expression not previously heard of desire, the release of the accumulated grievances on the partner."After a couple during a quarrel expresses previously repressed emotions and experiences with each other, and each expresses its not heard before" I ", there comes a state of inner comfort and cleansing," - says the expert.

And, most importantly: you talk or cry, beat the dishes, or silent, is always an experience.It is always the story of your relationship.How can you learn to quarrel properly if you do not even try?

How to quarrel right?

Says psychologist, trainer center "reasonable way" Maria Rasbash, the most important thing here - in advance to give up a fighting stance.Take for yourself that you are with someone solve the general problem - because it is so in fact.And just discuss the ways in which you the easiest way to come to the ideal solution.

Do not try to prove their position emotionally.It is much more effective by removing the emotions, concentrate on the arguments.Moreover, these arguments should be clear to your friend that is repelled by its system of values.In order to form such arguments, it is necessary to learn another important skill a good argument - the ability to listen."Listen to another position, and constructive conclusions.Do not go to the individual, as it often happens in quarrels.And, most importantly, respect, if not each other, themselves.Do not stoop to squabbling to turning back, you could look with satisfaction at ourselves, "- says Maria.

is very important, as already mentioned, to analyze the true cause of the quarrel.Psychologists believe that the main causes of all five:

- lack of affection, care, attention or heat

- sex and (or) psychological incompatibility partners

- partner disrespect (it suffers from one of the main needs of each individual - the need to feel the importance ofown "I»

- too much difference in views on raising children, maintaining the household budget, related to the family, recreation

- morbid fascination of a drinking partner, drugs and other excesses

- the lack of positive emotions or aggression of the environment.

All these reasons are quite complex to parse, but totally solved. If you realize that you are faced with one of the five reasons, try to jointly distribute the solution to the problem, or contact a specialist.

And the world again ...

often afterof steam is released, the claims made, the tension eased, partners can be embarrassing to even look at each other, not that talk.Namely, after a quarrel communication, access to constructive here is very important.So let's use the tips Mary Rasbash to resolve the quarrel.

«Because of a quarrel is better to go quietly.That is, until boiling emotions better to switch itself on something else: run, walk down the hall, exercise with dumbbells, beat a pillow, etc .. The main thing is disconnected from the emotions, and stop scrolling in my head the whole situation quarrel.And you can go to a truce in the quiescent state.

can start with SMS messages or e-mails.Do not wait for an answer, it does not really matter.This you do for yourself.What to ask for forgiveness?For submission form their position, if you continue to insist on.And if you have heard what the partner said, and concluded, or simply for the situation ", - she says.

As rightly pointed psychologist Inga Admiral, "a life without conflict", which was a model of good life and a measure of happiness in the last century, now it becomes literally a "life without a relationship."Because conflicts can be avoided except in solitude - and even then, many of us know how even in a situation of complete isolation cleverly immerse themselves into the abyss of intrapersonal conflict.

Therefore it is very important to consider the quarrel, as a symptom, like a light bulb that lights up when problems occur.And then it would be good to ask yourself: "What kind of problems highlighted row, which gives the possibility to change it?".Speaking about the conflict more interesting and important than to sink into it.And this is good, any quarrel - among other things, it instantly brings the parties together.And if the problem is in the distance and cooling, good quarrel lead to a good world!