Quarrel in the family : what quarreling lovers

Anyone who has not yet met his soul mate, a passionate dream that one day this will happen, and that's when and begin the real happiness.But in fact, after the formation of couples, as practice shows, the problems are just beginning.Because of what the lovers quarrel?

Gen.

quarrels and disputes on a life begins, as a rule, long before this life will be adjusted.Moreover, not every couple will live up to this very life, romantically called family life.But to discuss the smallest details, including the family monogram on the future library and the color of curtains ... What a woman will deny themselves in this pleasure, and you know how many men are sincerely ready to support it?

But this does not mean that from everyday life as the topic for discussion, will have to abandon once and for all.According to the psychologist, the Center coach "reasonable way" Alain Samoshina, the topic is worth discussing, but it is like a man, and men do not like small details."For them, the important conceptual issues

, which should be agreed in advance.For example, where will you live?This rare man interested in the question, what will be the details of the house, you will spend your free time and how to share household duties.So first make a list of important questions for you.And when it runs out, you can proceed to the discussion of details "- suggests psychologist.

If you call a partner in the conversation can not women just painstakingly meticulous record, saying, black linen, orange vase on the floor with pillows authentic Egyptian pattern, and then be happy to discuss all of this with a candidate in the second half.

However, this part of the first, romantic, when a mismatch in color vases or during the time of arrival back home, is the most serious disagreement.At this stage raises questions about the necessity of living together, in principle, as well as about what and with whom to live.And if all these issues could get around easily (or at all and you have decided to skip the tedious stage), then suddenly the fun begins.

Thus, the second part of the story: you're standing in a subway car, in your hand mop and dustpan, bought on the occasion of the market, but on the contrary miluetsya couple with roses and champagne.And then you realize that the romance is over for you, and life began.And this life is not only out of his back, buried in which you fall asleep, the two pairs of "Martins" in the hallway, two pairs of jeans on a chair, two players on the table and his ring at the door before dinner.It also consists of a variety of issues: the overall budget or separated, who washes the dishes, who cleans the apartment and walks with a dog, whose parents go to visit this weekend, and so on, on, on.

With reasonable approach all these questions, of course, permitted.Especially great if you have the same degree of freedom or pedantry.If one prefers to put the book on the growth and topics every day dust between them and the towels in the bathroom hanging exclusively in color, while the second puts things on the floor elegant bunch and, stepping over them, is to play in Heroes,life together risks rapidly cease to be a holiday.

«As a rule, if the beloved is not converge views, the necessary negotiations - (in general very helpful to talk to loved ones that you care about, - commented psychologist Inga Admiral -. And in the course of the dialogue often turns out that the question for onevery important, for another -.. almost trifling, and vice versa, and then, in spite of the mismatch preference wife handed each other the right of a decisive vote on various issues of consensus achieved "little blood" through mutual concessions if the subject of the dispute is equally important for.both can be useful to turn to a neutral intermediary, which will clarify which values ​​the motives behind the decisions of each. The mediator will organize a dialogue so that people, particularly deaf to the opinions of others, begin to each other to hear and understand. »

Budget

Subject

money - difficult for most families, regardless of the period of living together and the presence or absence of a stamp in the passport.And yet it is obvious that at the initial stage, this problem is more acute.Because fashion for men who drag oneself along silently into the house of the mammoth, it seems gone.Or rather not so much the fashion for men, as the men themselves ... and more and more couples are faced with the subject did not even equal participation in the budget, and with the situation when a woman earns more.

suck it hard, both men and women, but the fact remains - such pairs with more every year.But men, rejoicing in the fact that the woman does not work, and deals with issues of home and family is becoming less.What is a woman in such a situation?Either gradually, slowly change the partner's to life (that, in fact, it is very difficult and almost not real), or accept the situation as it is, and go to work.

But working woman - it is again the theme of imperfect life, a small time spent together, the half-finished dinner.And, then again a cause for quarrels.Almost a vicious circle, in that case, of course, if the subject is generally required for quarrels.Because, as a rule, the quarrel is a discharge in a situation when other means of resolving the backlog of claims already settled.

why someone enjoys the fact that his woman - the only decoration of the hearth, and is ready to shoulder the family support.Someone stands up for equality and scrupulously considered the share in the budget.Someone with a sense of humor and burns and carelessness of their own, and others', not caring about the future.The main thing: the views of partners and their vision of the family budget were united.And this is sometimes not immediately.

«Dispute for the money in the family will help to avoid a clear understanding and co-found a compromise on Finance.So keep in mind the position of your partner and his attitude to money and to avoid quarrels and disputes, at least outwardly, keep it or look for compromises, "- says psychologist Alain Samoshina.

Children

So your pair is tested and the way of life, and the budget, and you're talking about the total child.What are the problems you have to discuss and decide?It turns out that a lot of them.Starting from the eternal romantic dispute what to call your baby before, whether to go to the partnership delivery, and how to raise an heir.

Subject partnerships childbirth, by the way, is very popular among women.To give birth with her husband became a kind of fashion, once the oath of allegiance and an indicator of readiness to be near the man "in sickness and in health."However, not all men are willing to perform the oath so literally.Yes, and women reasonably believed that not all situations to share with her beloved husband.But if the influence of fashion and girlfriends is stronger, or, for example, fear of doctors and unwillingness to stay with them one on one, in the family there is a new subject for debate.And one solution here, most likely, there is no ...

According to psychologist Inga Admiral: "Partnership childbirth - this is not the litmus relationship in a pair, as it seems to some.This is - the question of readiness of men and women to ensure that the medical process (which is the birth from the perspective of the hospital staff) was the site of the partner. "According to a professional, what a happy couple should certainly give birth together - it is a myth."To give birth is necessary so that the woman was calm.Worry just for myself, for my husband, and also for a midwife (if her dear husband tired of their questions) - very expensive.If the couple is not ready - well them, these partnerships childbirth.And if a woman really needs to be supported, and the man is ready to provide it, and doctors do not mind - it is the best option.And it happens not only in the perfect pair - it just happens when all the stars come together "- says Inga.

In any case, it is important, at least not to let the issue take its course and not constitute it without discussion.Instead, return to the topic of the problem over and over again, trying to get up on a point of view and to find partner in her dignity.Lose the situation, exchanging roles, defended unusual for you to view.Look for a compromise.In any case, remember that all the questions that you do not decide in advance emerge in front of you then.And to solve them in practice is more complicated than in theory.Therefore, it is better to prepare in advance, and to find the course of events that best resist all family members.

Speaking of family members: If you already have children, they should also be included in the discussion and discuss with them the appearance of a new member of your family.After all, no one is safe from sibling rivalry!