Mother in law and wife : a man between two " lights "

By focusing on the complexity of the relationship and the mother-in-law, we often forget that in a family there are still men, and, first of all, it is her husband and son.Often quarrels and dissensions two favorite and native women are so poisoned his life, that he was ready to do anything just to stop this senseless enmity.

Here are some recently received a letter to our office.He writes a man, who asked not to call his name.It does not really matter, since his problem is probably familiar to many men, who are forced to live with his wife and mother in the same apartment.

«I recently got married, and for various reasons we live together with my mother.His father died seven years ago.My mother did not seem to object to my marriage and my wife took normal, but now she is constantly displeased with her: that will not do - it is not so.Even if the wife will do everything for my mother's instructions and recommended her way.

It is understood that the wife was crying, offended, complaining.A mother with

her hand constantly complain about my wife.They got me with their quarrels began strongly to strain, because I do not know which side I stand up.And when I told them to sort it out yourself, and keep it out to me with this, both offended.How can I be? »

questions raised at the end of the letter, of course, serious.But here's what I think ... to resolve the dispute between his wife and mother from the point of view of logic is unrealistic, because, most likely, all of these arguments involved on some emotions that and you need to understand a man, if he wants to at least understand what is happening around him.So you need to understand here in these very emotions.

perceived mother-in-law - written tons of literature.Nothing can not be helped: the son - mother, and she, the daughter, a stranger, came.It is likely that the daughter does and does not cause such an attitude-in-law, and it occurs at a subconscious feeling and brewed on jealousy.

What mom always turns to his son, trying to force him to arbitrate, talks about her desire to show him that he had chosen a bad wife, sad sack or lazy - a reason is always there.Even if the daughter is trying hard, it is unlikely that her mother in law in this regard, be able to please or to establish a good relationship.

There is one thing that can not be ignored.Initially, my mother in the house was the sole mistress, which solved all the problems.And now there is a young housewife in the same apartment, not the same kitchen.What remains in-law: make room hostess and recognize the primacy of the bride, or, on the contrary, continue pointing it at its subordinate position and emphasize who's in charge.

man was caught in the middle, of course, difficult.What can I do?If a young family pointedly absent from all domestic issues, recognizing the right to engage in economy-law, this situation will not improve, because immediately begin accusations of dependency, that you do not love that piled up all the work and so on.

unreservedly take the side of the mother to her husband, too, can not, because his young wife, and even in a strange house with hostile in-law and so hard.In addition, she must believe that her husband - the protection, maintenance and support.But the mother - has grown old, also requires care and attention.

If the calm and serious discussion with her mother becomes clear that she absolutely does not want to take the daughter, it makes sense to disperse, otherwise marital happiness will be forgotten.But even if this is not possible, do not despair.We must learn to distance themselves from such mothers psychologically, if not necessarily to share an apartment.To help do that will experts in family psychology.

One thing is clear - to eliminate the man can not be from the problems of the relationship of his wife and mother.And the sooner he will try to understand the situation, the greater the chance that it could be resolved to everyone's satisfaction.