wife's mother and son - really do these concepts have assumed a constant confrontation, hostility, struggle for influence over the other, which one is my wife, and for the other - the daughter?But still, let multiply anecdotes and horror stories about divorce solely the fault of the mother in law, however, there are families in which there is peace and harmony, mutual respect and mutual assistance.And the mother-in-law might well be the number one enemy, and this second mother - attentive, understanding and caring.
Moreover, it is not necessary to think that it happens only if by magic, or someone pulls the winning ticket in the form of an ideal mother-in-law, or.No, this is an illusion.It is much more reliable than the most common way of forming relationships based on respect for others' principles, understanding and participation in the goodness of time and the ability to give independence to each other, without preaching, not blaming.
Nevertheless, problems in the relationship mother-and-in-law is
Women are by nature more impulsive and emotional - they live feelings, and, very different.And rarely it happens to in-law was more aggressive Tiffany - Tiffany Statistics are the initiators of conflict is about five to six times more likely than in-law.Actually, the situations in which the daughter of her mother's husband is aggressive, a little bit - if he drinks or, if in-law on the nature of pathologically spiteful, quarrelsome and fiery temper.But it becomes aggressive in-law, and in cases where the mother-in-law initially openly hostile to it, or it pushes beyond measure at her and sets her against her husband.
In other cases, the in-law usually behaves more restrained than the mother-in-law, shows great tolerance for its attacks, and even to some intervention in their lives.And, according to psychologists, in that his restraint he is stronger than she is in her boundless aggression, his position is advantageous and reasonable.It turns out that learning self-control, thus mother-in-law, reduces the number of potential conflicts, it is the fact that does not provoke them.
Clearly, this is not easy for women in general, and for the mother-in-law is not satisfied, even more difficult.After all, the essence of her relationship boils down to two options - he likes it or not.When the like - it is clear: mother-in-law, brother-loving, he begins to treat him as his own child.But in this way may have many difficulties because in-law grew up in a different family, with other principles, attitudes and habits.It is already established and people do not want to be re-educated.
And if in-law did not like - there is even more complexity, in fact conceal hostility very difficult.Moreover, if the child looks at him adoringly, to hostility and resentment still mixed because his own mother "exchanged" unknown to anyone that her daughter does not know how to understand people, and obviously chose the wrong partner in life and so on.
But, no matter how evolved relationships, mother-in-law, and are united by one person - the daughter and wife for one another.In essence, there is a struggle for influence is on it.In-law wife's mother does not want interference in their lives, it counteracts the desire to guide all their actions and manipulate his daughter.A mother-if her daughter does not like the choice, I do not like the behavior-law, and his attitude in general - role in the family.In this case, the mutual hostility will grow day by day, and when the cup of patience overflows, the aggression goes from for¬my hidden in a clear, open.
course, any mother does not remain indifferent to how the lives of her child, even an adult having a husband, a family.Interested in every detail, every step.And with age, this interest will only increase, because it reduces the number of their own worries as well as the life of the well-established and is routine.Tiffany's activity may increase its retirement when life is uneventful, no interests, hobbies, passions, social circle.Then she just focuses on a young family, considering it his duty to participate in all its affairs.
What can you advise in this case?If you really want the happiness of a young family, and his daughter, does not dictate every step, referring to his experience, does not control, takes care of her daughter and son in law.You must understand that your advice - this is just advice, but not necessarily a guide to action.
You should be happy to have that interest in your opinion, and you listen.But any solution should take no thank you!Even if you think, mistakenly, children and childhood are entitled to make mistakes, not to mention the adult humans.And the experience is theoretically not passed - in most cases, have a lot to experience on their own to learn something.
your specific help, such as the economy, it may be not only unnecessary but also harmful, so do not force it.If you asked the children asking them to listen carefully and understand what exactly they need:. Sit with your child some money, help around the house, etc. It is this specific request, do, if you have the opportunity.
And yet, even if you have not been able to love his son-in, you're like a daughter.So try to spare her feelings and do not humiliate its choice of a life partner, do not stress his mistakes and blunders, not elevated to the level of defects.Who knows how the rest of their lives.And perhaps it is you are wrong, and the daughter made the right choice.
Very often young family happiness depends on wisdom and sensitivity Tiffany.Not easy to be a mother-and only a good mother-in - even more so, but you really try - for the happiness of your child!