Very often parents complain that they can not find common language with the older children.There are problems in communication, and in general in cohabitation.Naturally, all this piled day after day, until he pours out into open conflict.What is the reason?
I'll start with an example: My friend works in another city and comes home for the weekend.She has a daughter, a nice quiet girl, student, excellent student, not gulena.Every weekend, when my mother returned, the girl carefully trying to stay at home as quickly as possible.Mother, of course, offended, swears and complains.
start to deal with it - why?It turns out, he returned home, my mother tries to make up for all the days of absence "intense educational activities."That is, it constantly makes remarks, requires openness, climbs into everything - and all this with enhanced activity and even some kind of impudence.It is understood that the girl is trying to avoid just such a showdown, and simply runs away from home, so as not to run into a conflic
can understand and mother - she missed home, for her daughter, she is afraid that in her absence that something had happened, she is worried and worried ... can not find another form.But parenting process is not sporadic, but continuous.Trust scratch team does not appear, and personal freedom in adolescence is guarded very carefully.
What to do?I asked my mother what she was talking with her daughter at all?A discouraged.It turns out conversations, as such, not at all.Basically valuable guidance, intrusive questions, comments and so on ... Moreover, forms of arbitrary and often not very correct.
ask a simple question: Does mom know what music to listen to her daughter, what books she read, what movies loves who she has friends, etc ... In response to complaints about the lack of time...I asked, and my mother was reading the last time I was at the theater, a concert at the exhibition?What she, my mother, may be of interest to adult daughter?And, too, lament the fact that there is no time.
Our children grow, develop.For kids, we were absolutely unshakable authority on all matters, even though at an early age, children often say, "I did!".But children grow up, to the education and formation of their outlook and nature connects more people - friends, school, environment, books, movies, internet, etc ... And the absolute in early childhood, parental authority begins to be revised since the point of view..lessons learned children.
And what happens to us?Accustomed to a certain childhood and categorically dictates, to the fact that what we teach and instruct, we did not adjust their behavior and continue to communicate with the children grown up in the same manner, often disagreeing with the obvious and not recognizing their mistake.Considering that it is still unequivocally their children smarter, we make mistakes, and, persisting in error, so many lose their eyes.They love us do not stop (although it is not an absolute statement), but the respect is still cause concrete actions and deeds.
should not be surprised that, forgetting about themselves in terms of development, we cease to be interesting for our grown-up children.Life does not stand still.Whether we like it or not, but fashion changes to literature and music, to clothing and even speech.And when he suddenly found that the interests of your child are not clear to you, strangers, and even seem to be unacceptable, it is worth remembering his childhood and adolescence, the relationship of your parents to your world and the resistance that you have provided.It was so?Of course, it was not dissemble, because everything develops in a spiral.And, as a rule, we treat with their children in the image of our parents with you, just forget for some reason, they themselves suffered, cried from a misunderstanding.
Of course, what is now rushing to TV screens and the pages of newspapers and magazines, often does not hold water.Generation has grown up that knows no tales, but well versed in the "Pokemon Terminator" and stuff like that.And it is clear the desire of parents to protect children from this influence.But in an order can do nothing.Exceptionally from the spirit of contradiction, and the desire for freedom, your child will resist and away from you further and further.That is why you go to him, go all the time, sparing no effort and time.
Being a parent - it is work, everyday and laborious, but it pays off with more than a sincere love and respect our children.
Man is always in need of friends, especially the young, growing.In friends, in the examples to follow, in ideals.And if that friend does not become you, the consequences could be irreversible, because the current life is cruel, especially to the young, and not everyone can manage to catch or correct.A
ways closer to your child you need to look for themselves, given his character, and his interests and even those mistakes you have already made.Ready-made recipes for all occasions not.If you do not have the strength or the ability to find that the only way to refer to a psychologist.An expert, armed with knowledge and experience, never a sin to ask for advice.It is important to only one thing - to start this way, because with each passing day, the gulf between you and your child, it becomes deeper.Think more about your child than itself - and it will bear fruit.You'll see!