Past lives ...

kids brought me a month granddaughter and themselves drove off on vacation.And I had to take me leave to go out and take care of the baby.Every day we Sonya walked in the park, in the same place.The child was playing with the children in the sandbox, and I sat on a bench and looked at the passers-by.This pair I noticed immediately: both for 55-60 years, walking slowly, constantly something spoken, and his eyes shine and interest in each other.Very touching looked.Then suddenly they were gone, and even after some time began to come one woman, sharply old, with a blank stare.She sat quietly on the bench for a while, then got up and left.Immediately it became clear that there was something wrong.

bench once it has been busy, and she sat on the edge of my shop.Here Sonia ran, something began to sputter, then show a woman his toy.I said that it does not interfere with a stranger, but she smiled at the child, by replying that the girl does not interfere.The next day we met again and exchanged greetings.After

some time met, they began to talk, and then Zoya, apparently, a long time to keep everything in himself, told me about his life.With her permission, I wrote down the story and decided to tell you.Probably, because at me it made a very strong impression, and suddenly someone will have to read what you can create with her, and with someone else's life.

«I recently realized that my life can not be in the" later "to delay, but it may turn out, how it happened with me.At the end of the Pedagogical Institute, in the twenty-three years, I got married.With my husband we have lived thirty-five years.He was a scientist, a physicist.All his life he was sick: soon after their marriage, doctors gave him a terrible diagnosis, said that he left to live no longer than three years.But he lived for thirty-two years, and only five years ago died.

husband worked in one of the research institutes, and early in his career has gone abroad on a business trip to America.Then there were other times, there was little Russian, and neighbors the Americans decided not to talk, and I was there all alone.Husband all the time at work, and my job will not take, I have no rights.Sergei, her husband, I was a need to ensure that it does not distract from the work.I cook, wash, washed, cleaned, in short, became a housewife.So three years passed.I'm waiting to return home, but when we returned, no change in my life did not happen.

I want to tell you that when a woman marries, she does not belong to himself - always devoted her life to someone or something else, but for himself, for his feelings, she remains very little time.But even this short time can always find something.It just so happens I have.After returning home, we have had children with Sergei, the son of the Jura, and daughter Natasha, and I naturally began to care about them and about her husband's health.In general, everyone in our family, at first because of her husband's illness, and then out of habit, it is subject to discipline, daily routine, everything was planned out, so there are no accidents or surprises in our lives happened.

husband insisted that I was not working.It was then that I finally became a real housewife.I did not have any meetings outside the home, no new relationships with people.I did not feel any grief or conflicts, but also much joy I was not there, that is,There were no new experiences, except that of the TV.

And I kept waiting for something - even my whole life became a continuous expectation: the new apartment, you buy a car, the next increase in the service of her husband, the children's admission to the university.And his life all put off by the "later".

I grew old too early.The children grew up, moved away, went to live on their own.After her husband's death, I was left alone joy - a walk in the park.There I met with Vladimir Stepanovich.He, too, was left alone, having buried his wife eight years ago.Together we went to the movies, in the cafe, doing each other gifts, and our meetings were happy as children.But when his son learned about our dates, then he calls me "old marazmatichkoy".When I announced the children that leave to Vladimir Stepanovich, then in general it started something unimaginable.

gathered the whole family.I was told that in my head solid "nonsense" and succumb to fleeting "whim" at my age feel ashamed and unacceptable.And me, the decision of the whole family, practically "imprisoned" in the apartment, like a prison: pick up the key, turned off the phone, and seized mobile.I found a way to connect with Vladimir Stepanovich using a computer, but he had no answer.

Then I still got out of the house, went to the park, the place of our meetings, but it was not.And when I plucked up courage and recovering at his home, the neighbors learned of the terrible news.My children gave him a terrible scandal and threatened that they would do everything to prevent our relations.Heart Vladimir Stepanovich, and so it was not so, and then a heart attack ... He died in hospital a few days after the visit of my children.

After this news, I myself was in the hospital.I do not know how I survived.When I returned home, the family has warned that if I still pleases with someone to meet and have affairs, then I just shut down in the "loony bin".

Honestly, I do not want to live.I'm scared and sad look at their children, who did not understand what caused the death of a person, not to mention the fact, that stomped my feelings, my life.I feel guilty and that is what happened to my dear friend, because if we had not met, it may be, it still would have been alive.

And understand that my whole life was spent in vain: I have nothing good in it did not, even my mother came from a bad - I could not raise a good and humane of their children.I do not ask for what they treated me, not looking for an answer.I'm just living out his failed life.

Another life or me, no one will, and this took place.If start again, I would never have become a victim, would never have brought his life to the role of dumb servants, who's pushed around to gray hair, for which everything is decided.So I had already bitter and unnecessary experience - no need to leave life on the "later"."Then," will not be! »

Zoya did not need any words of comfort, and to be honest, I have not found such words.Woe to her great disappointment - even more.I looked at her granddaughter and thought how she grows up, she will appreciate all that has been done for her, how will treat people.How many good people can do, and what a terrible evil they can do to each other ...