Hopeless dance autumn

Outside, drums tedious autumn rain.Drops hitting the windowsill, echoing the pain in his temples.Tuk-tuk, drip-drip.In the fall of its own melody - hopeless.Wind mercilessly tear the leaves from the trees, and they desperately circling in space gray day.I watch a whirlwind autumn of turmoil and bitter thoughts tearing perform a dance in my head.

We met just after Christmas - faced at the door of the class for immigrants studying the Finnish language.At that time I still could not imagine what the fate has prepared a test for us.And then we just basking in the cafe, hiding from the icy breath of winter.We warmed up a cup of mulled wine and quivering hands plexus.Under the crackling fireplace you whispered: «Ana Behibek» ( «I love you" in Arabic).I quietly replied: "I Love ..." We understand each other without words, because speaking the same language - the language of love.

After classes, under the light touch of snowflakes, we ran over to your house.They sat on the sofa, huddled close to each other, a

nd listened to the beating of our hearts.You told me in broken Finnish mixed with perfect English about your life before moving to a country that has introduced us, and I answered the Russian, with difficulty remembering the English lessons at school.

poverty in your country, there's fire, and there is no hope for the future.You managed to escape from a troubled and political instability in Iraq, and you got to serve in the US army translator.Then there were the numerous trips to various countries.You traveled halfway around the world before deciding to settle in you favorite of Finland.I listened to you, absorbing every word.I thought you became dearer, nearer and dearer.

You taught me how to cook cakes, which are baked and your mother acquainted with the unusual taste of lemonade, "Hamoud".We concocted dinners under Iraqi music, known as music Mesopotamia.At such moments, I thought about how the fate unexpectedly intertwine in a chain of tradition and culture of the two lovers people belonging to different nations.

With the first rays of spring sun, we are increasingly began to appear on the waterfront of Helsinki.I was walking, holding your hand, as if afraid to lose.And you laughed and said - "stupid."

Do you remember how you said you ran for ice cream, and he also brought a whole bunch of balloons?I was walking on the pavement of the old town, clutching your surprise, feeling like Alice in Wonderland.Passers-by smiled good-naturedly, looking at us.

summer we took refuge from the urban bustle of the forest lakes.We ran through the burning sand, laughing merrily.And then you took me in his arms and carried freshen up the annoying heat into the cool water.We swam and played the fool, like little children, with firm conviction that it will last forever.

I will never forget the day that showed you the wedding ring, which shyly took off, going to meet you.You immediately understood.Without words.He came up and hugged."We'll be fine" - I heard.Then I, too, believed it.And we continued our meeting.

But more and more I began to attend the frightening thought.Will I be able to overcome the difficulties that arise on our way to a shared future?How to perceive the separation from the father of my two sons, and they will tell you when you enter into our lives?Do you have enough forces to educate other people's children?

And the parents?My mum would go mad after learning that my marriage broke up into many pieces that have never gather together.And the difference of cultures, traditions, religions - how to combine all this in our lives?Your Ramadan and our New Year's Eve, my Sunday church attendance and your prayer in the mosque, oriental sorbet and our Gingerbread ...

Every day my confidence fades away like a candle flame.And if in your unquestioning love and support no doubt, in my power, I believe less and less.I am in despair, knowing full well that it is hardly able to leave the past life, subjected to hard tests of children and their families.

I am afraid that our friends will turn away from me, knowing that I destroyed the family, which they regarded as an ideal, and so often told us about it.In my environment are skeptical of people professing Islam.I'm afraid that can not do it with conviction, oblique views, with a whisper behind him.But all this will be.Necessarily will.

Honey, forgive me.I just was weak, dependent.I have no strength to fight for our love and for the right to be close to you.I can not.I'm sorry ...

The rain knocks and bangs, performing dance hopeless fall.