On the playground excitedly crying baby and his mother, looking around guiltily to the others, pulled him by the arm and angry voice hissed: "Immediately stop!I said to someone!Shut up, or I do not know what you do! "The poor child is choking with tears and in fear looking at the angry mother.
Kid was sorry, but if Mom realizes that she says to her child?Sure, she loves him and wants the good.It is clear that it is inconvenient to the other parents, walking right there in the park on the site with the children.But if she understands that now feels her baby?Do not allow children to express their emotions - is a form of parental tyranny, but is unlikely to adults, not having the strength and desire to soothe a crying child, to consider what they are doing, forbidding him to cry.
Young children cry all express their negative feelings: pain, hurt, fear, fatigue, etc. Imagine that you are forbidden to be offended if hurt, feel pain if hurt, indignant insult, and so on..Why parents are trying to ban the chi
In addition, the requirement not to cry, this is the - "stop immediately", is unlikely to upset and hurt the baby will be interpreted as a ban.But the fact that he was scared, that's for sure.And, in general, it may be easier to find the cause and fix it, than by fear of parental anger to force children to push a manifestation of such natural feelings?
And anyway, let's think, what we say to our children?Many parents try to frighten naughty children, choosing at the same time as "frightening" doctor, policeman, terrible characters from fairy tales or cartoons, and so forth. And that is obtained as a result of his reckless words?If you threaten a child physician to whom you it will take, if he will not eat porridge, do not be surprised if later you is almost impossible to take him to a medical examination, to be vaccinated, and fear of the people in white coats may persist for years to come.
And if wanting to embarrass the kid, promise that his behavior will tell the Pope, whether you are thinking at this point, what does the father are building?It turns out that the pope should call not love and respect, and the fear of future punishment.Yes, and you are thus taught that the Pope's need to listen and be afraid, and you, my mother, and do not require obedience to cope with a child can not, therefore, appealing to a stronger family.
Did you, at the time of affliction some childish act to say did not happen, that if he loved my mom and dad, you would never do?Just imagine what's going on in the soul of the child, to hear those words?This sense of guilt and remorse, but because the child loves you, and to prove at this point my love is powerless.This statement reminds blackmail, and this is a forbidden to communicate at all, and, of course, with the child in the first place!
sense of inferiority, guilt, humiliation occurs in children when their parents compared with other children, and emphasize that other people's children a better, more successful.The damage thus cause the parents the child's mind, can not be overestimated, and the consequences can be unpredictable - from the desire to become "worse" to the inferiority complex which is a long time.
If you are angry with your child for some specific actions, find the strength to clearly explain what exactly you are unhappy, but not to bring the matter before the child begins to doubt your love or believe that you love him only good, successful, correct.
And, of course, does not solicit obedience in exchange for gifts.Children to this very quickly get used to, and requests them each time will grow.In addition, once you yourself can become the object of the same blackmail her child, which will require a "fee" in exchange for a promise to behave well, termination tantrums or good grades.
Try not to use blackmail and persuasion and requests, not pressure, but common sense and understanding, not shouts and orders and an explanation of their claims to the little man with the child mastered the rules of interpersonal communication.And then you will be much easier to achieve obedience on his part not because of fear or some other reason, but because of the love and trust you, respect your words and requirements.
Communicating with children, the whole process of education - is, above all, patience and understanding on the part of parents.Therefore, even in a state of irritable Be aware that what you say to your children, what words you are trying to exhort them, curse or something to explain.